iLoveHimForeverAndAlways

                                                                                        (chapter six)
"I feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore," Dean said.
I swallowed roughly.
"Please, Haden. I thought.. I mean, I haven't gotten angry in weeks. I thought maybe we were okay."
It was true, but it felt too fake. Too temporary. I felt like any second he was going to snap. And it would be much worse than before.
"I want to go out tonight," I said.
"Okay, where?" His face lit up.
"Alone," I said. His face fell. "I want to go out alone."
I couldn't remember the last time I'd just had a night to myself. A night without Dean watching over me like a guard dog. Pulling me aside in a secluded area to hit me. I flinched slightly. To hit me repeatedly. 
"Why?" he asked. His voice had an edge to it. 
I closed my eyes, expecting to be hit. For him to demand who it was I was seeing. I opened my eyes. He was just staring at me. 
What? Why wasn't he hitting me? Kicking me? Anything at all...
"Okay," his voice was choked. He was swallowing down the anger building inside of him. How he did it, I had no idea. 
"Really?" I asked him. "Are you serious?"
"As long as you make it home by at least nine."
He gave me a curfew. God, what kind of relationship was this? I left soon after, only one person in mind.
Seth.
* * *
"I'm happy you came," Seth said. His dimples showed as he smiled wide at me. 
"Me too," I said, paranoid that somehow Dean could see me with another guy. Like he hadn't trusted me enough to go out alone, and he was watching me.
I wrapped my arms around myself as Seth and I walked down a street that was crowded with people. A chill made goosebumps cover my arms and legs. I knew I should've worn more than a sundress but I couldn't help but want to impress Seth.
Even if I wasn't that much to look at, I wanted to look like I had tried.
When our fingers brushed and Seth hooked his pinky onto mine, a voice in my head said, You have a boyfriend.
An abusive one, I retorted. 
I shivered again only slightly, hoping Seth hadn't noticed.
"Cold?" he asked, tilting his head, his nose crinkling in the most adorable way ever. 
"No," I said even though I kind of was. 
He still wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer, sharing his body heat.
At first I stiffened, until finally, I relaxed. I could still feel the chilling sensation of eyes watching me.
I could feel myself relaxing into him as the night went on and we ate dinner at a small, but nice resterant. 
When he leaned over and smiled at me, our faces close, I could see freckles on his nose.
His eyelashes were crazy long, too.  He was too sweet. Gentle. Playful. Everything Dean wasn't. Tried to be, but just...couldn't be.
All I could see when I looked at Dean was his fists, and his angry, angry eyes.
When Seth held my hand under the table, I thought, This isn't your life, Haden. I knew it wasn't. But I could't help but wish it was. When the waiter came with the check, I reached into my purse to pay half, but Seth stopped me.
"Hey, I'm the guy. I'll pay," he rolled his eyes like I was being silly.
"But that's for dates," I said, in a mock scolding tone.
A sly grin stretched across his face. "I was under the impression that this was a date." I could feel myself blushing.
"I have a boyfriend," I said.
"As you keep telling me," he said and I could've sworn I heard envy in his tone.
I excused myself to the bathroom, humming to myself almost happily as I made my way to the ladies room and that's when I felt a vice like grip on my arm, pulling me roughly out of the resterant's back door, panic filling me quickly. 
I closed my eyes tight when I heard his menacing, dark voice in my ear.
"You've been a very bad girl." His voice was full of promise. Promise to hurt me.
He'd found me. And now I was going to pay for it.
I could only feel the brutal kicks to my ribs, and punches to my face, and I prayed to black out soon.
But I never did. Blow after blow, I felt it all.

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                                                                                    (chapter five)
Dean was better. For the next two weeks, I felt safe.
But also nervous, waiting for him to snap again. Waiting to see his eyes darken and raise his fist at me. 
Dean smiled at me while we laid on the couch in his living room.
He leaned up to kiss me and I flinched backwards, swallowing hard. He stared at me with slightly widened eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing,"  I said too quickly. 
"Do you not want to kiss me?" he asked quietly, his eyes cast downwards.
"It's not like that," I said in a small voice. He just nodded and I couldn't contain the surprise on my face at the fact that he hadn't gotten angry. Maybe he really had changed. My heart already felt lighter.
He walked towards his kitchen and I could hear him ruffling through the fridge.
"Babe!" I heard him call out from the kitchen. "Joe's having a party tonight. You're coming right?"
I bit my lip, thinking of the first time we went to a party. Also the first time he had hit me.
"Yeah," I answered. "Sure."
* * *
"You're going to put a jacket on, right?" Dean asked, eyeing the blue dress I had on that was tight, but not too tight. 
"It's hot out, though," I said.
His jaw clenched. 
"Yeah," he said and it sounded like he had to choke it out. I held his hand tight in my own. 
He had just swallowed his anger. I smiled. A really, real big smile.
He noticed. I felt him smiling as he kissed the side of my head.
When we got to the party, I could feel the grass vibrating under my feet from how loud the music was playing. I felt Dean's arm cover my waist possesively, and I said nothing. Girls and guys smiled at us, but mostly at Dean.
I was only known as Dean's girlfriend.
"Stay close, okay?" he whispered against my jaw line. I nodded, looking around us.
He trailed through the party, grinning and drinking beer. I wanted to stay sober, so I settled on soda. 
While he played beer pong in the backyard with his friends, I sat on a stool, twirling my cup around. 
"Hey," a voice said. I looked up to see Seth, his dimples and all.
"Hi," I said shyly.
"You look..." he trailed off. I felt myself blushing. I crossed my arms over my chest.
"I look what?" I asked cheekily, smiling and looking at him from under my lashes. 
Surprise jolted through me. Was I flirting with him?
When he grinned and leaned a little closer, I had my answer.
He tilted his head. "Miss Haden, I thought you had a boyfriend," he said in a teasing tone that made me laugh but also look around for where my boyfriend was. I saw him in the corner of my eye, whooping and grinning after he won a round of beer pong.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe.
I turned back to Seth, simply smiling at him.
I examined him as he was looking at me. He really was handsome. With wavy brown hair that was cut short, and brown eyes that were warm and nothing like Dean's, just looking at him made me feel a little flushed.
"So," I said, swinging my legs.
"Want to go for a walk?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded. 
What the hell was I doing!
I still followed him out as we walked on the sidewalk. I took off my heels, and like the sweetheart he was, he held them for me. I bit my lip while he wasn't looking, thinking about how much sweeter he was than Dean.
I closed my eyes. I shouldn't be doing this.
Flirting. Walking with someone while I'm taken.
Because we were doing more than walking. Every few seconds our hands would brush and Seth would play with my fingers. Then he would send a smirk my way that was anything but conceited. It was gentle. Playful.
So when he asked, "When can I see you, Miss Haden?"
I said, "Soon," and gave him my number.
And I smiled that whole night, even while I drove a passed out Dean home. 
Half asleep, my phone vibrated under my cheek and I jolted awake, barely noticing Dean sleeping beside me, snoring loudly.
On the screen of my phone it said: Text from Seth.
I read it and grinned, my heart filling up with something. Something like happiness.
You looked beautiful tonight.


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