I'm Lexie and I am currently at the exciting age of 16. Not so exciting. I am not putting quotes on here to get faves or for people to feel bad for me because I know it could be much much worse.
I will be honest I have been abused my whole life and well I still love my abuser, he is my father. I can't change who he is and I won't because this is a long time in the making with him. I am currently writing a book about my life and how that I am going to over come that and make myself a better person. My life has been messed up for a long long time, but I am not complaining because then I wouldn't be the person I am today, sometimes I think I might have been happier but I don't think that is true. The book will be called "Behind the Mask: True Lies", if it changes I will post it. It is something that is difficult to write because you know someone is going to see that and judge you. You can't keep people from doing that but I have always wanted to write it to make it better for people, and expose the truth and the lies that my hometown has created.
I am from such a small town in Iowa that is becoming very popular by the minute because of the flood over there, but it was home for a 11 years, the longest I will probably ever life my entire life.
Some of the things that inspire me are the stars, the moon, the people around me, boys, and well the life that I am trying so hard to over come and not let myself give up. The one person that I look up to is my mom, but the person I look back on is my Aunt Roeline.
Few things that my Aunt Roeline helped me with and even now after all the year she has been gone and missed. She helped me see that myself is the best that will ever be around. She also taught me to hid what really hurts so no one will freak out and worry because she put up the best mask that anyone could ever do in the whole world I think. I never knew she was in pain until after she passed away when I was 10, that just so happens when my life fell apart.
I don't want people to freak out because I do have hard times that I show and sometime I will speak the truth and no one knows it. I am going to say this one last thing, my mom hides our imperfections and our secrets because she has been around too many people who judge so roughly.
I am not putting this for anyone to feel sorry for me because that has always been what I hated the most. I don't see why people can be sorry for someone else who is just trying so hard just to not feel like this anymore, but I do except them a lot better than I did when I was younger. I still don't want people to truly know the pain because I never want anyone to feel pain and others pain is so so much better.
Thanks for support and thanks for just reading the quotes and commenting one my profile. Thanks for just being a space I can vent and it not be my journal, where someone can put there feed back in too. JUST THANKS. :D
I had the perfect
guy
We never had a fight,
He never made me cry,
He always held me tight,
Called me every night,
Told me he loved me,
And since we lived far apart, he
made sure to come see me every chance he got.
He took me to meet his whole
family,
Started to plan a future with
me,
And was my best friend every day and
every night.
He was perfect, even when he told me
I deserve so much better than him.
News to me, I knew he was the
one.
I am pretty
sure
my friends stopped caring.
They stopped caring
because
everything I cared about is gone.
The family member
that I truly
cared about is gone forever.
The love of my life
left me,
and seems to be never coming back.
The only thing I cry about now
are the memories that will always hunt me,
Tomorrow, Today, and Yesterday.
I never changed a thing,
I probably never will.
I will spend my day wondering,
what could of been,
what should of been,
and
what you ended up leaving behind.
Truth is I don't ever see myself
not loving you, and it is your fault I write the way I do,
because all I think about is you.
I still miss you
everyday.
Some days more than others.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering if you're
wondering about me too.
About the love that was forever ours.
The love that I miss every time my head hits the
pillow
Do you remember the love like it was
yesterday?
Do you feel it when you're deep in thought?
Do you miss it when you had someone to talk to everyday about
nothing?
Do you miss that someone loved you without the reason
why?
Do you miss me like I miss you everyday,
do you catch yourself thinking that you made a bad mistake, and
do you feel the tears burning inside you and you can't let
them out because you want the world to think, you're
fine?
<3