ifstarscouldtalk

Status:
Joined: September 12, 2010
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 124859

I'm Lexie and I am currently at the exciting age of 16. Not so exciting. I am not putting quotes on here to get faves or for people to feel bad for me because I know it could be much much worse.
I will be honest I have been abused my whole life and well I still love my abuser, he is my father. I can't change who he is and I won't because this is a long time in the making with him. I am currently writing a book about my life and how that I am going to over come that and make myself a better person. My life has been messed up for a long long time, but I am not complaining because then I wouldn't be the person I am today, sometimes I think I might have been happier but I don't think that is true. The book will be called "Behind the Mask: True Lies", if it changes I will post it. It is something that is difficult to write because you know someone is going to see that and judge you. You can't keep people from doing that but I have always wanted to write it to make it better for people, and expose the truth and the lies that my hometown has created.
I am from such a small town in Iowa that is becoming very popular by the minute because of the flood over there, but it was home for a 11 years, the longest I will probably ever life my entire life.
Some of the things that inspire me are the stars, the moon, the people around me, boys, and well the life that I am trying so hard to over come and not let myself give up. The one person that I look up to is my mom, but the person I look back on is my Aunt Roeline.
Few things that my Aunt Roeline helped me with and even now after all the year she has been gone and missed. She helped me see that myself is the best that will ever be around. She also taught me to hid what really hurts so no one will freak out and worry because she put up the best mask that anyone could ever do in the whole world I think. I never knew she was in pain until after she passed away when I was 10, that just so happens when my life fell apart.
I don't want people to freak out because I do have hard times that I show and sometime I will speak the truth and no one knows it. I am going to say this one last thing, my mom hides our imperfections and our secrets because she has been around too many people who judge so roughly.

I am not putting this for anyone to feel sorry for me because that has always been what I hated the most. I don't see why people can be sorry for someone else who is just trying so hard just to not feel like this anymore, but I do except them a lot better than I did when I was younger. I still don't want people to truly know the pain because I never want anyone to feel pain and others pain is so so much better.
Thanks for support and thanks for just reading the quotes and commenting one my profile. Thanks for just being a space I can vent and it not be my journal, where someone can put there feed back in too. JUST THANKS. :D

Quotes by ifstarscouldtalk

And everyday I sit here waiting for you to show up at my door.
Knowing you made a bit mistake.
You still love me and I can't ever stop loving you.
I waited 2 years and everything was great.
But now I sitting here waiting at my door...
My heart misses you, forever.

For once in my life,
I did something first...
Like it is supposed to be.
I was diagnosed with depression,
and
you're just mad
because I bet you first
at something for once, and I don't want to.
I HATE MY LITTLE SISTER...

Why Be Me?
No One Likes me...

I would love to thank my "best friend"...
For making me cry Because of stupid rumors. I warned you all the time To watch what you said to me but This time you really messed up! You hit me where I never wanted anyone to see you told me that you weren't talking to "her" (me) anymore. You explain to me that it isn't me that I can be mad but not depressed. You were my friend that I told everything too Even my darkest secret But man you messed up, Now your killing me When I told you I am mad at you and don't talk to me, you do, and I see you everywhere And God you see me too! Why did you open your mouth? You knew what I was going through... Now I have lost everything. Your a jerk, but I miss you, Colten. I will until you say you're sorry, and it will mean a lot to me because you have a hard time with sorry... I told you I know you don't care at all.

I wish
I could run away...

Run and see how far it would take me away
from all my problems.

I know I wouldn't get very far
because things travel faster
than
planes, trains, and cars.

And you would be
waiting
desperately
right where you are
till the end of time.

Go ahead,
just
Miss me...

Did you know that every night before you go to sleep there is one person of the opposite gender thinking of you? They want to kiss you, they want to be with you, they are always thinking about you. This is all true and not fake! If you repost this in 5 minutes the person that is longing to be with you will approach you within one month and ask you out, or grab you, and kiss you.
I am tired of seeing quotes that are about the perfect guy.

I had the perfect guy
We never had a fight,
He never made me cry,
He always held me tight,
Called me every night,
Told me he loved me,
And since we lived far apart, he made sure to come see me every chance he got.
He took me to meet his whole family,
Started to plan a future with me,
And was my best friend every day and every night.
He was perfect, even when he told me I deserve so much better than him.
News to me, I knew he was the one.

 

I never thought I would have to be without you but yet I am still here without my phone going off ever minute with a message from you, or with you on your way going over the speed limit to spend the whole night with me. :)

I am pretty sure
my friends stopped caring.

They stopped caring
because
everything I cared about is gone.

The family member
that I truly
cared about is gone forever.

The love of my life
left me,
and seems to be never coming back.

The only thing I cry about now
are the memories that will always hunt me,
Tomorrow, Today, and Yesterday.

I never changed a thing,
I probably never will.
I will spend my day wondering,
what could of been,
what should of been,
and
what you ended up leaving behind.

Truth is I don't ever see myself not loving you, and it is your fault I write the way I do, because all I think about is you.

I still miss you everyday.
Some days more than others.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if you're wondering about me too.
About the love that was forever ours.
The love that I miss every time my head hits the pillow

Do you remember the love like it was yesterday?
Do you feel it when you're deep in thought?
Do you miss it when you had someone to talk to everyday about nothing?
Do you miss that someone loved you without the reason why?

Do you miss me like I miss you everyday, do you catch yourself thinking that you made a bad mistake, and do you feel the tears burning inside you and you can't let them out because you want the world to think, you're fine?
<3