ifstarscouldtalk

Status:
Joined: September 12, 2010
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 124859

I'm Lexie and I am currently at the exciting age of 16. Not so exciting. I am not putting quotes on here to get faves or for people to feel bad for me because I know it could be much much worse.
I will be honest I have been abused my whole life and well I still love my abuser, he is my father. I can't change who he is and I won't because this is a long time in the making with him. I am currently writing a book about my life and how that I am going to over come that and make myself a better person. My life has been messed up for a long long time, but I am not complaining because then I wouldn't be the person I am today, sometimes I think I might have been happier but I don't think that is true. The book will be called "Behind the Mask: True Lies", if it changes I will post it. It is something that is difficult to write because you know someone is going to see that and judge you. You can't keep people from doing that but I have always wanted to write it to make it better for people, and expose the truth and the lies that my hometown has created.
I am from such a small town in Iowa that is becoming very popular by the minute because of the flood over there, but it was home for a 11 years, the longest I will probably ever life my entire life.
Some of the things that inspire me are the stars, the moon, the people around me, boys, and well the life that I am trying so hard to over come and not let myself give up. The one person that I look up to is my mom, but the person I look back on is my Aunt Roeline.
Few things that my Aunt Roeline helped me with and even now after all the year she has been gone and missed. She helped me see that myself is the best that will ever be around. She also taught me to hid what really hurts so no one will freak out and worry because she put up the best mask that anyone could ever do in the whole world I think. I never knew she was in pain until after she passed away when I was 10, that just so happens when my life fell apart.
I don't want people to freak out because I do have hard times that I show and sometime I will speak the truth and no one knows it. I am going to say this one last thing, my mom hides our imperfections and our secrets because she has been around too many people who judge so roughly.

I am not putting this for anyone to feel sorry for me because that has always been what I hated the most. I don't see why people can be sorry for someone else who is just trying so hard just to not feel like this anymore, but I do except them a lot better than I did when I was younger. I still don't want people to truly know the pain because I never want anyone to feel pain and others pain is so so much better.
Thanks for support and thanks for just reading the quotes and commenting one my profile. Thanks for just being a space I can vent and it not be my journal, where someone can put there feed back in too. JUST THANKS. :D

Quotes by ifstarscouldtalk

I knew you were too good to be true.
 

Why?
 

You noticed me, a nobody new in your classes. Your a football player, that had me in the first smile. I notice to you all of this was a game, and I tried to play with your strategies and your clues. You haven't broken the broken's already cracked heart.
All you had to do was smile, and I was lost in slow motion with the flowers falling from above. You can't notice how cold my heart really can because baby I play pretend more than living up the reality of life. I am good at the fake smile, making myself laugh for no reason because honey I have already been to hell and back. You're no different... baby boy.


 

I played you too....

Last night, your song came on the radio.
I sat there and cried
And for a minute I felt you were there
But where were you,
You were in Heaven where you have been for far too long.
6 years seems like a lifetime and far to wrong


Sadly you will never meet the man of my dreams
Or the jerk that breaks my heart
Because where are you
You're in Heaven
You've been there for far too long
With no way back


Later today I will pick up your picture
And again I will put it back down
Because it never feels real
And where are you when I scream your name
Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday
You are in Heaven with no way of turning back
Or holding me tight
Because you will never come back
When Heaven's always going to be too far away.....
Best Friend: I want to make out with my boyfriend but with tongue, we have been together for 5 months.

Me: Just ask him.

Best Friend: Oh, so I am suppose to be all like *boyfriend's name* will you stick your tongue down my throat.

.:: I love my best friends::.

<3
I don't regret you,

Because with you I found me.
In the wreckage that someone left me.
I can't forget you, nor can I regret you.
<3

Truth is... you could be anyone and I would still feel the same.
Truth is... you still don't know me.
Truth is... I don't know you.
Truth is... I don't want you to go.


Truth is... I can change.
Truth is... I don't want to because I love me.
Truth is... I wouldn't change me if you gave me all the money in the world.
Truth is... I am a very secure person.


Truth is... I am stronger because of everything in life.
Truth is... I try to be "normal"
Truth is... Life never matters when all you do it hurt.


Truth is...
I can't love you.

.
I am sorry and I have tried to hide it,
I'm in love with you,
it is like a 59% love
only because you don't deserve my 100%,

not yet you have to earn all of it like every one else.
Yeah I'm the sucker, that's in love with you
no matter what you tend to say or do.

Please tend to love me too.
.

Let me MOVE ON, 
I thought that was what you wanted?

And behind all this smart armor, do you see I truly am just a goof ball inside waiting to bust out and be herself....

Do you see that when I walk away I feel like I am dancing and laughing because I just feel like crying because I can't seem to find people to stay with me in my life?

Do you see that my father isn't around not because he doesn't want to but because he has to be working, that he is happy when I go see him?

Do you see my life in pieces? Do you see I am too strong to cry, that I have to keep the pieces together always so tight?

Do you really see me?

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