ifstarscouldtalk

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Joined: September 12, 2010
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 124859

I'm Lexie and I am currently at the exciting age of 16. Not so exciting. I am not putting quotes on here to get faves or for people to feel bad for me because I know it could be much much worse.
I will be honest I have been abused my whole life and well I still love my abuser, he is my father. I can't change who he is and I won't because this is a long time in the making with him. I am currently writing a book about my life and how that I am going to over come that and make myself a better person. My life has been messed up for a long long time, but I am not complaining because then I wouldn't be the person I am today, sometimes I think I might have been happier but I don't think that is true. The book will be called "Behind the Mask: True Lies", if it changes I will post it. It is something that is difficult to write because you know someone is going to see that and judge you. You can't keep people from doing that but I have always wanted to write it to make it better for people, and expose the truth and the lies that my hometown has created.
I am from such a small town in Iowa that is becoming very popular by the minute because of the flood over there, but it was home for a 11 years, the longest I will probably ever life my entire life.
Some of the things that inspire me are the stars, the moon, the people around me, boys, and well the life that I am trying so hard to over come and not let myself give up. The one person that I look up to is my mom, but the person I look back on is my Aunt Roeline.
Few things that my Aunt Roeline helped me with and even now after all the year she has been gone and missed. She helped me see that myself is the best that will ever be around. She also taught me to hid what really hurts so no one will freak out and worry because she put up the best mask that anyone could ever do in the whole world I think. I never knew she was in pain until after she passed away when I was 10, that just so happens when my life fell apart.
I don't want people to freak out because I do have hard times that I show and sometime I will speak the truth and no one knows it. I am going to say this one last thing, my mom hides our imperfections and our secrets because she has been around too many people who judge so roughly.

I am not putting this for anyone to feel sorry for me because that has always been what I hated the most. I don't see why people can be sorry for someone else who is just trying so hard just to not feel like this anymore, but I do except them a lot better than I did when I was younger. I still don't want people to truly know the pain because I never want anyone to feel pain and others pain is so so much better.
Thanks for support and thanks for just reading the quotes and commenting one my profile. Thanks for just being a space I can vent and it not be my journal, where someone can put there feed back in too. JUST THANKS. :D

Quotes by ifstarscouldtalk

All i have time to do is think about you, even when you're around. Let me move around, making me break my own heart, while you're busy trying to pick between me and her. You know i know that you're never going to pick me, i can't pretend that it is there, when clearly, i know it is not. When i said i liked you, i meant it with a thousand suns as you told me, "i like you as a friend maybe more," that was it i was sold, i let my guard down and you just walked in.

 

NEVER TRUST BOYS are my last words...

You are the one that can change me,
Change the way that I believe,
The way that some one looks at me.
You are the one that got away,
came back,
and drove me crazy waiting.
Was it worth it?

I hope I drive you crazy.
All the what if's list in my head,
making me think
you might scare my heart.
Make it leave again!
Can I trust you?

Yet promises don't mean a thing
followed by sorry,
All your games
keep me on my toes.
Pick the one you can't get enough of
don't break their heart
when they have it in a safe
I wish you would go ahead and pick.
Choose me?

When I close my eyes I see you           
    
No matter where I am                                                
       
I can smell you perfume through these whispering pines.                       
         
I'm with your ghost again, it's a shame about the weather,                                       
            
 I know soon we'll be together, and I can't wait till then,                                                
               
I can't wait till then                       

       To my father, I know I never understood the leaving but I understood the pain, the memories, your smell, and someday together will mean the same and forever will be the game. I still love YOU!
                                                                                                                                                                                             

  Forever could be inseparable, unforgettable, a cause without words, a flower growing in the desert, and a thing that could drive you mad but you wouldn't change it for the world. Whenever did love follow the path of losing, then the path turns golden, end in tragedy, and forever comes with a surprise and a compromise, with the arms of someone new, your best friend in a loving light, your piece of mind, and a mad sense to fight, then never letting go of a hand to hold. <3 

I walk in the cold
To fell alive
and
to fell the arms that disappear
every time I turn around.
I take all my free time
just thinking about your
eyes following me in the
distance.
In this black and white
picture of our lives
all smashed together.

Love like this can
last forever.
You make me think about
what I want
and how I look at long relationship.
I think too much,
I think too much about
the you and me
I see in my head.
Your amazing
and you take my breath away.

I don't want a let's just pretend.
I don't want a forever to be the end.
I don't want the tears to fall
while the fears just crawl.
I don't want this to be the end.
I didn't expect everything that I got.
I got more in my heart for you to see.
I got more to live for
with you and me.



<3
<3
<3
,<I love you3


<3 for the stars
Highlight the above

I want to so daringly flirt with my eyes.
Just tell you
goodbye.
Tell you to
flirt with the sky.
I want to
flirt with the moon.
Just to be like
you
Tell him my soul use to belong to you.
I want to flirt with the stars.
Just to cry to them that my heart is bruised.
Tell them that it is all just black and blue.
I want to
flirt so E F F O R T L E S S L Y.
Just to be like her.
Tell them I am all alone.
I want to
flirt with you.
Just because
I really should.
Tell you that I love you on my bed every night,
Just as you
hold me tight.
Then tell me
goodnight.
I don't really want just you forever and one night.
Because you see I am just  a flirt indeed.

I want you to feel the heart that beats me.
I want you to feel something other that what isn't real.
Like my heart isn't real like it doesn't still skip a beat, or when I remember that cold night.
My heart doesn't break like it did ten days ago.
Like it doesn't even exists like it is invisible.
Like my life isn't hard enough you just push it a little more and more.
Can't breathe with this weight on my chest.
Like you are sitting on me, holding me tight.

Really I am just me.
I am so sorry that I can't be that perfect girl like I want to be.
She put to much of a standard on you.
Pulled me down on to the ground.
I can't move on until you say those three words.
I don't expect I Love You,
I expect I Am Sorry .
Can't be that girl in the window that you want to look at
You want to feel sorry.
You want to forget her.
Like I want to forget you.
Man it could be way so easy for you.
But it can't be easy for me.


I am ready to go on.
On that path with no return.
I want to say all the things that make you turn.
I want another guy.
Who doesn't treat me like dirt.
Doesn't even care that I don't look like her.
Doesn't know why I smile.
It could be because of him or it could be I am going to hit you closer to home

before home hits you.
 

I don't want to be followed by my haunting past because it is no fun not being with you. Remembering all those warm summer nights and have them turn so cold. My heart can only take me so far and my tears can only mean so little. Trying to turn this thinking around, trying to forget your path even though my heart highlights it yellow.

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