(from www.datehookup.com/Thread-359100.htm)
Dear
Mrs. S*****,
Over
the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your
husband, Mr. S*****, are listed below and are documented by our
video surveillance cameras.
1. June
15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't
looking.
2. July
2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July
7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.
4. July
19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand
from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance,
causing management to lose time and costing the company
money.
5.
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.
6.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty
children obliged.
8.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me
alone?' EMTs were called..
9.
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants
were.
11.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12.
October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of
funnels.
13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.
October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!'
And
last, but not least:
15.
October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper
in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
**************************
Hope
this made you laugh as it did me.