I need to know if you left me because you don't like me at
all or because you like me too much. I know it's because of
your depression, but I think I could help you get better. I could
move on if I truly believed you never cared about me at all, but
I don't believe that. The way you acted towards me, the
things you said to me, the things you went out your way to do for
me, and all the plans you made for us won't let me believe
that you didn't and don't care about me. I saw a quote on
tumblr the other day that reminded me of you. It said, "I
didn't want to hurt you and I ended up hurting myself."
I think that's what you did. I think you left me because you
wanted to protect me from you, but you don't realize that
leaving me hurt me more than anything else you would do to me and
you don't believe that I could help you during your dark
times. I'm worried about you. I'm terrified you'll do
something to hurt yourself. Since you won't talk to me and
it's summer, I won't know if you do harm yourself.
That's my biggest fear. I didn't expect us to spend the
rest of our lives together, but I thought we'd stick out the
rest of high school together. We only have a year left and we
could spend it together. I was okay before you and I'm okay
now, but the thing is, I was better than okay when I was with
you. And you seemed happy, too, so unless you were acting the
entire time or your feelings for me dramatically changed in a
very short time, you cared about me, too. I would take you back.
I feel like that's not something I should openly admit, but
it's true and I'm not afraid of the truth. If you
don't want a relationship right now, how about a friendship?
I don't understand why you're always the one who gets to
cut me out of your life. I've never walked out of yours and
all I ever really wanted to be was your friend. You told me that
you liked me last year, but I remember whenever I said hi to you
in English class, you basically ignored me and avoided eye
contact and further conversation. Maybe you were awkward and I
made you nervous, but I made an attempt to be your friend, which
is more than you can say. I asked you to winter formal this year
because I just wanted a nice guy to go with, and you didn't
have any fun or really make it fun for me purely because you had
a crush on a girl you couldn't have and because I wasn't
good enough for you. I knew you liked her and I didn't expect
you to become my boyfriend. All I wanted was to go to the dance
with a date and have fun, but I wasn't good enough to even be
your friend. You should have just said no when I asked you. That
might have saved us both a lot of trouble. Then you suddenly
decided you liked me a few months ago. Why did you decide that?
Did you just want a girlfriend and think I was on standby? I
talked to you and texted you back because I thought it would be
too rude to just ignore you (despite the fact you did that to me
in the past) and I liked being friends with you (that was all I
ever really wanted). I was supposed to tell you that I didn't
like you as anything more than a friend so I wouldn't be
leading you on, but I didn't have the courage to do so. For
some reason, I decided I would say yes when you asked me out. I
still didn't like you very much for the first two or three
weeks of our relationship and I frequently thought about breaking
up with you, but I stuck it out and I was happy I did because
then our relationship became great. We were so happy together and
completely comfortable with each other. We were so happy. The
last thing we actually did together was when we made out in the
back of my car for an hour and a half afterschool. I left forty
five minutes after I originally intended to purely because we
couldn't stop kissing each other. Maybe I read too much into
the things you did and said, but I didn't think our
relationship would be so easy to walk away from. And if your
reason for doing so is that it was too hard with your depression,
good things don't come easily. There are things worth
fighting for, and I thought we were one of them. If you or other
people think you're not good enough for me, who cares? I
wanted and want to be with you, and that's all that matters.
If you do think that you're not good enough for me, that
shows that you need me to remind you that you're not as
terrible as you think you are and show you how great of a person
you really are. Like I said before, I was okay before you and
I'm okay now. I will always be okay no matter what happens
because that's what you have to do in life: be okay. When you
fall down, you have to get back up again and take another step
forward. Sometimes okay is the best you can be. That's
why, when you find something or someone who makes you feel better
than okay, you fight for them.