Joined: January 6, 2011
Last Seen: 5 months
user id: 144658


Hello darling, 
my name is Kelly Elise.

I am an erratic and unconventional human being with a tendency to cry and lose interest in my work.

I do my best to keep up with this website (among my many others), however I regret to say that sometimes I fall flat and must take care of myself first before anything else. 

Thank you for putting up with me, I will do my best not to disappoint your beautiful soul :-)

You are wonderful! Thank you!
Enjoy my page, enjoy today. I love you, I love you, my moon and my stars.  

Forever and a day,
Kelly Elise.

Quotes by iwishiwasdifferent

Reupload, By: iwishiwasdifferent


Chapter One (pt. 3):
I slid on my little black dress and red wedge heels. It was a sheer, short dress but I didn't mind. Once in a while it was nice to look a little edgy. I dabbed on some red lipstick and a smokey black eyeshadow with mascara to top it off.
Why was I even going on this date? I knew i shouldn't... but maybe this time would really be different. Alex was such a back and forth person. Sometimes I loved him so much the pain seemed worth it. When someone is your world, nothing else seems to matter.
I curled my hair into big loopy waves and put on my chandelier earrings. I actually looked pretty good. When I walked out of the bathroom, Krista whistled and winked at me jokingly.
I laughed and gave a big, toothy smile.
"I gotta go meet Ian at Bennigans," She said, standing up and stretching her arms out sleepily before walking over to the door.
"Have fun tonight hunnybunny," She smiled, "But not too much fun!" She added with a wink before shutting the door behind her. A meek chuckle escaped my lips before I sat down on my bed.
 Have too much fun with Alex? Yeah right.
I went on my laptop and MapQuested 'Benihanas'. It was about 20 minutes away, so I figured I should leave as soon as possible. I took one last look in the mirror, happy that the bruises on my arms had finally gone away. Then, I walked out the door. As I grabbed my keys and coat, my mom walked by me.
"April, are you going out with Alex tonight?"
"Yeah," I replied. 
"Okay. Just don't stay out too late," She sighed, "and use protection April."
"Jesus mom, I told you we havent even done it yet," I groaned, rolling my eyes.
"Okayyy..." She said sarcastically. I scoffed and walked outside.
The cold night air hit my like a wall, making me shiver down to my very bones. I tighhtened my black jacket around my body and made my way to my used Red Sedan. My car was a hand-me-down from my older sister Mariah, who went off to college and bought herself a brand new green convertable. Perks of being a younger sibling I guess. I turned on the ignition and off I went.

Reupload, By: iwishiwasdifferent


Chapter One (pt. 2):
I quickly brushed my golden brown hair, and wiped my face dry with toilet paper. I finished caking on my concealer (covering up my black eye), and put eye drops in.
I looked in the mirror. I looked okay.
I unlocked the door and walked over to Krista, who was lying on my bed with my laptop. She was on facebook, flirting with Ian, her 'boyfriend' (they weren't officially dating) over chat as usual. She thought he was oh-so-cool, because he was Irish. His accent was pretty sweet, but I didn't think he was that good looking. And from what I had heard, he was kind of a douche.
"Hi Hun." Krista said, glancing up at me, "Why were you in the bathroom-" She broke off what she was saying and sat up, with a concerned look on her face. 
I felt my stomach do a flip-flop. What if she sees my black eye, i thought frantically, what do i say if she asks how i got it?
"Sit. Now." She demanded, patting a spot on the bed next to her.
"I, um," I stumbled over my words- trying to collect my thoughts.
"No. Be quiet. April," She said, "Your eyes are red, and you have that panicky look on your face you always get when you're hiding something from me. Its obvious you've been crying. Now tell me why."
"No," I said, laughing nervously, "I... I was at the pool earlier today and I um," I was completely bullshitting this as I went on, "I had ,my eyes open underwater. That's all. I had to use eye drops to um, to soothe my eyes, but I had a... an allergic reaction to them, and my eyes watered up."
She looked at me, processing my words, then shrugged. "Kay. You know you should use Visine Eye Drops. That's what I use, they're like all natural or something." She turned her attention back to the laptop.
"Oh... okay." I replied, nodding furiously.
"So I think Ian and I are like official now... he told his friends we're 'going out', and in my opinion, I think that means were official." She beamed at me.
"Oh wow Krista I'm so happy for you!" I shrieked, giving her a big bear hug.
"Aww! thanks babe!" She giggled, "So how are you and Alex? I heard you're going out tonight." "Oh, yeah," I said, my stomach droppin once again, "he said he's talking me to that new Japanese restaurant downtown."
"You mean 'Benihana'?" She asked.
"Yeah, I think thats the one."
"Cool, I wish Ian was talking me there. Hes talking me to Bennigans."
"Of course he would take you to the one Irish place in town, "I scoffed.
"Yeah... he thought I would like to see Irish stuff with him," She frowned, "But whatever, as long as I'm with him, I'm happy."
I nodded and tucked my hair behind my ear, smiling half-heartedly.
My mind wasn't in the conversation at all... I was worrying about my 'date' tonight with Alex.

Reupload, By: iwishiwasdifferent


“Double AA!” Krista squealed, “That’s like, the cutest couple name ever!” “April and Alex, double AA!” Leona said, “I love it.” They kept giggling about how cute Alex and I were together. But as they did, I sat in silence, rubbing my bruised arm.

Chapter One:
I splashed water on my face, and looked in the mirror. My eye was red, and the skin around it was puffy and beginning to turn a blackish purple color. I quickly opened up my purse, and pulled out my concealer. I began to cake it on, trying desperately to cover up my black eye.
“I swear baby, never again. I’ll never hurt you again,”
his voice echoed in my head,
“I’m so sorry. Please baby, I love you.”
I could almost hear him out loud. It was like he was next to me. My hands began to shake. He had hurt me… again. I couldn’t just leave him though. I knew he loved me… he just… he would get angry, and couldn’t control himself.
“I love you April, just give me another chance, I'm begging you.”
Another chance… I thought. I had given him ‘another chance’ way too many times. I knew I should leave him… but how could I when I was still in love with him? I felt like my body was melting, and I collapsed on the floor. I began to sob. I couldn’t control my crying. I pulled my legs up to my stomach and lay on my side, with my head on my arm. Big blubbering tears roolled down my cheeks and onto the cold tile floor.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god, what do I do?” I whispered shakily.
I heard a knock on the door.
“April? Are you in there?" Kristas voice called out. I sat up abruptly and began to stand up. It was 8pm and I had completely forgetten she was coming over.
“Oh- yeah!” I said, sniffing and wiping my nose on my sleeve as I struggled to get over to the sink. I wiped away my tears frantically as I tried to collect myself.
“One sec!” I called out, trying to sound normal.
"Just give me another chance…"

Reuploading (via 2011-2012)
I used to write stories on here years ago,
but I ran out of time. Rather than posting new,
I am going to try reuploading my old stories with
better quality writing. Thanks, Enjoy :-)

The first time I cried in front of him was on a sunday.

It was January I believe- but I can't tell you for sure. He always tended to have that effect on me. He was such an easy going person that many of our memories together went unrecorded and unwritten, only to be remembered in the torrential cavities of our minds. That was quite a big step for me, considering I had always considered myself an organized person with a healthy tendency to create list after list reminding myself of what needed to be done.
It was only until I experienced the unconventional method of simply sitting back and letting things happen that I realized that my feverish list-making habits were nothing more than a bulleted way to stress over ever-changing things. There was no real method to the lazy madness ensued by Jacob and I, so I supposed calling it such is misleading.
Together we experienced the madness of life itself in its untouched form, untainted by the hands of us and humanity around us.
We learned that when you leave things to happen, they occur the way they are intended to.
Sometimes a baby bird must die for a flower to grow. Sometimes you must let someone leave if they aren't doing you any good. 
The first time I cried in front of him was when my dog died.
I had never been good at crying in front of people. When I was little and I would find myself with tears streaming down my cheeks, I would go stand in front of the mirror and stare directly at my red, distressed face. I could only ever stare for a couple moments before I'd find myself starting to giggle at the atrociously hideous face before me. Snot nosed and puffy eyed I'd end up full out laughing at myself because I couldn't even believe how ugly I looked with those stressed out tears pouring out of my eyes and that downturned gasping mouth that made me look like a fish out of water.
It sounds vain, trust me I know, but ever since then I had taught myself never to cry in front of people. Never in a million years would I have expected myself to be sobbing into the arms of a boy as kind and beautiful as Jacob was (my ugly crying face was completely not expected to ever see the light of day). 
But that was the thing about Jacob.
Everything was different with him.
While I cried, Jacob didn't make a sound. No comforting hum came out of his chest and no gentle words left the salmon pink lips that kissed me ever so softly on the forehead. Instead of trying to tell me everything was going to be okay, he just held me.
He rocked me back and forth calmy, his strong arms holding my trembling frame in the secure sort of way that made me feel at home.
With him I learned the value of silence. The undeniable worth of letting someone pour their heart out to you and listening as a student rather than as a teacher. Theres a lesson to be found in everything that happens, but sometimes it's best if that lesson goes unsaid. 
I still think about him, Jacob I mean. All the time in fact. His presence is always there.
There is no sadness in his absence in my life however. Just a thankful presence of memories that lay fondly in my heart.



Confessions. 3     

Two guys have told me they love me, and one has attempted suicide because of me. and the worst part is that I never even gave either of them a chance.