jennlove1998

Status:
Joined: July 8, 2011
Last Seen: 7 years
Birthday: April 16
user id: 192384

hello there gorgeous.<3 if you are reading this then you've stumbled across my witty profile.<3 so, WELCOME!(:  well i guess i should introduce myself. i'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jenn..which ever you prefer! i'm short.(: 5 ft 1 1/2 inches, but i like being short! well i'm a cheerleader, cheer is my life.<3 i love music, of all types!  I love my friends, they mean the world to me.<3 i look forward to hugging lauren (xxnevershoutnever) everyday.<3 Confessions_of_a_cutter is my inspiration.<3
Love is Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect.<3

oh&& i guess i should mention..i cut. i burn. i scratch. i've attempted suicide more times than i can count, but i never succeed. something in my mind always stops me from succeeding. i self harmed for 2 years straight, every single day, atleast once every hour. this year i've been getting better. i don't self harm nearly as much as i used to. don't get me wrong, i still self harm. but i'm slowly getting better.

Disorder Your Score
Major Depression: Very High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: Slight
Cyclothymia: High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Slight-Moderate
Postpartum Depression: N/A
Take the Depression Test






asdfghjkl. <333333






the kid in these pictures below is my bestfriend. his name is Zachary but i call him Zachariah. he is literally the ONLY reason i am still living. he's talked me out of so many suicidal attempts. he is the most amazing guy i could ever meet. i would die without him. i love you bestfriend.<3

"When we first talked i knew we would always be friends. Our friendship has kept on growing, and i'll be here for you to the end. You listen when i have a problem&& help dry the tears from my face. You take away my sorrow&& put happiness in it's place. We can't forget the fun we've had, laughing 'til our faces turn blue. Talking of things only we find funny. People think we're insane- if they only knew! I guess this is my way of saying thanks for catching me when i fall. Thanks once again for being such a good friend&& being here with me through it all." ♥

    

Quotes by jennlove1998

my scars are fading&& i don't think i'm okay with it....
well i haven't been on here in awhile, so i decided to give you guys an update on my life. well chris&& i, the guy i dated for 11 months, we broke up. but i met this amazing guy named jake. he is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. we started dating february 11th 2013. everything was perfect. we were known as one of the cutest couples in school. my family loved him. my friends loved him. i love him. but unfortunately not everyone loved us together.. some of his friends began telling him that i cheated on him eventhough i didn't. he didn't know who to believe anymore, so we broke up last week, march 27th. i haven't stopped crying since. hopefully we get back together. but i also began going to therapy. it sucked. my parents don't realize that it will take awhile before i began to recover. but they thought i was better so they said i didn't have to go to therapy anymore. well i didn't get better. if anything, i've gotten worse.
i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 11 months. please tell me again how much of a sl*t i am.
i cut again.....oops.
guys.
last night i met Alex DeLeon, Alex Marshall&& Chase Johnson.
also known as The Cab.
they are my favorite band.
i still can't believe i met them.
Alex DeLeon told me i was beautiful&& amazing then kissed my cheek&& forehead. Alex Marshall told me i was a sweetheart. && Chase told me i was beautiful&& to not let anyone tell me different.
i'm not going to write out everything they said&& did; i just summed it up.
but, asdfghjkl.
best night ever.
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not mine. i just wanted to save it so i could use it for reference. :3

 
 
today is me&& my boyfriend's 8 month anniversary.
8 months that we've been together.
we started talking about 3 years ago.
but...he doesn't know about my anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, sucidal thoughts or my self harming.
i feel like i'm hiding a huge part of my life from him.
he doesn't even know what my life is really like; the struggles i face everyday.
i want to tell him because i'm tired of hiding it, but..
i'm scared he'll think i'm mesed up&& leave me..

It's Friday and you're at school.
You know it's your last day, but no one else does.
It's a long hard day, but you take it harder than anyone else.
The bell rings, so you say goodbye to your friends. It's the last time you will see them, but they don't know that.

It's Sunday night and you've had enough. You know it's time.
You grab your knife, that rope, those pills.
You're hurting, you're crying, but you want and NEED to do this.
It's over. Done. Finished.
You just killed yourself. There's no turning back now. You're gone.

It's Monday morning.
A normal day for everyone will soon change.
Everyone expected you to turn up today, but you're not there.
No one knows why, but why would they care?
They soon find out what you did and don't know how to react.
They thought "they never saw the signs" or "this is so unexpected."

But to me, you know what's so unexpected?
All of you pretend to care when I'm gone.
I'm sorry, but it's too late then.


NOT MINE. i just love this.

 
not mine. credit goes to owner.
 


Now he's your boyfriend;

He used to be my
friend, my bestfriend,
my
cuddle buddy, my good morning text,
my
good night text, my tear stopper,
my
secret keeper, my shoulder to cry on,
who I was '
talking' to, who I'd text all morning
until I got to school, my every morning hug,
who I'd
text all during school, who sat with me at lunch,
who
walked me to class even though it was all
the way on
the other side of the building, who I'd
text all night, who sent me :) and <3
He's who I thought I'd end up with,
but now he's your boyfriend...

He used to be my everything.
not my quote or format. all credit goes to the owner.

 

You wouldnt notice if someone really wanted to die or not.
You wouldnt notice that when you look away from them they stop smiling. You dont notice the way they become more controlled. Their laugh is controlled, Their smile even smaller, fake. Maybe every once in awhile you will catch them with this sad distant look in their eyes. You will notice how they seem to just stare into nothing, like their alone and completley gone. You probably won't notice the way the slowly start to distant themselves, they don't say as much. They stop telling you about themselves. Maybe they make up excuses saying "Sorry I'am busy" or "No I'am a little tired" and you will believe them. You will make a joke that tears them, but they will laugh it off. Every time. You may say something on accident "maybe you should kill yourself" and they will laugh that off but inside they feel like you actually meant it. No matter what, thats what they think. Maybe if you paid more attention. Would you notice how their skin became more covered up? They're wearing jackets when its clearly hot out.  Their hands are constantly pulling the sleeves down more, trying to cover up their fingers to. They just dont want to be seen, but its so subtle. Maybe you compliment them, their answers become shorter. Just a simple "Thanks". Of course they dont believe it, they think their all lies. Even though they say it with a smile on their face, watch out for that empty look in their eyes. Just pay attention to them. It's nearly impossible to spot someone with self-hate, unless you're one of them.
But just never look away.