jennlove1998

Status:
Joined: July 8, 2011
Last Seen: 9 years
Birthday: April 16
user id: 192384

hello there gorgeous.<3 if you are reading this then you've stumbled across my witty profile.<3 so, WELCOME!(:  well i guess i should introduce myself. i'm Jennifer, but everyone calls me Jenn..which ever you prefer! i'm short.(: 5 ft 1 1/2 inches, but i like being short! well i'm a cheerleader, cheer is my life.<3 i love music, of all types!  I love my friends, they mean the world to me.<3 i look forward to hugging lauren (xxnevershoutnever) everyday.<3 Confessions_of_a_cutter is my inspiration.<3
Love is Louder than the Pressure to be Perfect.<3

oh&& i guess i should mention..i cut. i burn. i scratch. i've attempted suicide more times than i can count, but i never succeed. something in my mind always stops me from succeeding. i self harmed for 2 years straight, every single day, atleast once every hour. this year i've been getting better. i don't self harm nearly as much as i used to. don't get me wrong, i still self harm. but i'm slowly getting better.

Disorder Your Score
Major Depression: Very High
Dysthymia: High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder: Slight
Cyclothymia: High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder: Slight-Moderate
Postpartum Depression: N/A
Take the Depression Test






asdfghjkl. <333333






the kid in these pictures below is my bestfriend. his name is Zachary but i call him Zachariah. he is literally the ONLY reason i am still living. he's talked me out of so many suicidal attempts. he is the most amazing guy i could ever meet. i would die without him. i love you bestfriend.<3

"When we first talked i knew we would always be friends. Our friendship has kept on growing, and i'll be here for you to the end. You listen when i have a problem&& help dry the tears from my face. You take away my sorrow&& put happiness in it's place. We can't forget the fun we've had, laughing 'til our faces turn blue. Talking of things only we find funny. People think we're insane- if they only knew! I guess this is my way of saying thanks for catching me when i fall. Thanks once again for being such a good friend&& being here with me through it all." ♥

    

Quotes by jennlove1998

it's been a week since i last self harmed. but the urge is extremely strong right now. if i don't self harm every few days i feel incomplete&& vulnerable. i feel like i need to....just one.
damn it.
i did it again.
2 weeks of being clean...
all for nothing.

 
my suicidal thoughts&& my self harming are becoming;
 MUCH more severe&& frequent​.


One of the most beautiful sights, to me, is such a simple one.
It's the look on a person's face when they're in love, and their lover isn't looking. That look where they're just gazing at the other person while said person is just talking, or reading, or eating, or looking at the sky. If you catch someone in a moment like, find yourself very lucky because that's the truest moment in a person's life. When the love is just radiating off of them. Nothing around them exists in that moment besides their lover. That small smile, that glint in their eyes; it's so beautiful. I could only dream of someone looking at me that way.






 
nmf / nmq.
 

i self harmed again.
there goes 3 weeks of being clean; right down the drain...
i'm losing my bestfriend more&& more each day to her.....
i can't handle this...
i'm starting to get irritated.
since i posted that quote about my suicide attempt.
5 of my "friends" (that rarely ever talk to me) texted me&& basically said the same things.
"jenn! i love you&& i miss you! lets hang out soon!"
wow. funny how when you hear i almost succeeded in suicide you all of the sudden care about me.
where were you when i first started having these thoughts?
oh yeah, you weren't there.
don't think you can all of the sudden appear back into my life.
today in swimming class our teacher said, "this year we will learn various strokes."
me&& my friend started cracking up.
we're so dirty. (;
tonight i was planning on commiting suicide.
i had all the pills set out on my dresser; ready to be swallowed.
i had all of the pills in my hand.
i was ready.
then out of no where one of my bestfriends that i haven't talked to in almost 4 months texted me.
that text said, "hey there gorgeous. i know we haven't talked in awhile but i miss you. i wanted to see how you were doing."
usually i reply to text messages in a matter of minutes but i didn't reply to him.
3 hours passed&& i still didn't reply.
so he called me.
i answered&& didn't say a word.
he knows that i'm suicidal&& knew something was wrong.
i started balling my eyes out.
he's been on the phone with me since 6 calming me down&& he said he won't hang up until i fall asleep.
he saved me.
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