kiwi4ever042895

He asks: Babe, what's wrong?
I lie: Nothing, I'm fine.
He knows, but lets me go anyway. 
I cry. Why can't I just open up for once in my god damn life? Why can't I just say that I'm not okay, I need help. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I can't focus, I'm scared. I finally feel like I've found a place I belong and it's all going to change again. I'm not ready to grow up yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not ready.

All of my worst fears are becoming my reality and I don't know what to do to stop it. I have no motivation. The depression is taking over completely and the worst part is no one even realizes it... no one at all... How many more people can I run out of my life? How much longer can these people put up with me before I am completely on my own? How much time do I have left to play pretend? I guess I'll just sit and see with my fake smile trying to hold on to the little sanity I have left. 

I'm down to a size 5...
I don't know wether to be excited or terrified

For the love of a daughter
Give it up
Stop the madness
Face your problems

Give it up
I can't take it anymore
Face your problems
I can't handle them anymore

I can't take it anymore
The yelling, the fighting, the immaturity
I can't handle them anymroe
I'm going to explode

The yelling, the fighting, the immaturity
It needs to stop
I'm going to explode
Put the damn bottle down

It needs to stop 
For the love of a daughter
Put the damn bottle down
Stop the madness

 Summer Goals
1. HAVE FUN, no matter what
2. Finally let go of him
3. Be Myself and ONLY Myself
4. Be healthy, loose weight the right way
5. Increase my self-confidence, recognize my beauty
 

I'm so tired of hearing how she's so hot and I'm so adorable. For once, I would love to hear that I'm more than cute. I'm 17, not 5.

stress leads to depression...
depression leads to low self-esteem...
low self-esteem leads to anorexia...
anorexia leads to stress...

It's never ending circle of hurt that you can't escape </3
 

I love him more but he'll never know... </3