**it's long but it's worth reading. if
you've been heartbroken, maybe you could use this too. please give
it a shot.
Dear Boy,
First off, I just wanna say I hate this. I
don't hate you, I'm not upset with you. I hate this situation we're
in. I mean we were so perfect together, everyone could see it. I
was so happy and I honestly believed you were. Maybe you
really were, it's so hard to tell now. I mean I can accept
that we're not together anymore. But you know what I
can't accept? The reason we're not together. And I can't
accept the way we're handling it. You know you've been avoiding it.
I just wanna understand, Boy. I wanna understand what went
wrong. I mean, literally 10 seconds before you told me
you wanted to break up, you were kissing me and telling me you
loved me. You never gave me any signs that something was
wrong. I think I at least deserved that.
And to be honest, I don't think
I deserve what you're doing to me now. I don't even know what
you're doing. You're playing games, you're leading me on by saying
"We'll go out again later. I still like you." And
honestly, if you really still liked me, you would wanna get back
together NOW. Trying to be friends is like lying to ourselves
every single day. I know you do still like me because EVERYONE
sees it and knows it. But I have my doubts. I hate the doubt.
All I wanna do sometimes is call you and tell you I love
you, I miss you. Sometimes I just wanna beg you to take me back.
And then there's times when I think I'm over it. I have
fleeting moments when I tell myself you're not worth it
anymore. But then, reality comes back. And I realize that I would
rather be your friend and still be able to hold you than to
not have you in my life at all. That's when I realize that I
will probably wait for you for too long, and I don't wanna let
myself do that. But I know I'm going to. God, I would give anything
to have one more chance. Not even another chance-but a redo. I wish
we could just go back and take things slower. I wish
we could start over.
It killls me to know that you might not
want that. But then again, the thought that you DO is the only
thing that gets me through some days. Boy, please
just tell me how you feel. Let me in like you used to.
Please. I miss you. I miss the way we used to be able to just lay
there and not say anything. Just enjoy each other. The 4 months
I spent with you were utter bliss. We fought like hell
sometimes, but then we got to make up, and it was worth it. I keep
on thinking that's all this is. Just a really long bad
fight we're having, and one day you'll just come up to me and
tell me you're sorry. Stupid me, huh?
I remember the first time I
ever saw you like it was yesterday, even though it was 2 years ago.
Then, I didn't really give much thought to you at all. I was with
my best friend and I still haven't figured out why you were even at
that football game. You didn't know anyone who was playing. Just a
few weeks ago, when we were still going out, I remember
telling you all of this. I remember you telling me tthat you
thought it was fate. I also remember the time we were watching
Romeo&Juliet(it was my turn to pick the movie) and I started
crying. Then you looked over at me and you saw me crying, and you
leaned over, and you suprised me. You didn't wipe it away or laugh
at me-you kissed my tear away. That made me cry some more. Boy.
don't you remember hpw happy we were? Can we please go backk? Just
one more try? Well, I'll give you time to think about this. Like
always, I will wait here patiently.
Love, Girl.
P.S.--Thank you for giving me my first real love.