Dear You,
My mind is a scary place. Full of ideas and thoughts that anyone
would cry if they knew. I was getting so much better. But then
you left... It was all my faulf though. I was 'too'
dependant on you. I didn't mean for it to sound like that. I
just finaaly had someone who cared about me and listened to me.
You thought I always came to you maybe, like I didn't talk to
anyone else, but maybe I just didn't talk about it.
Maybe I felt like no one cared, and mayeb I still feel like that.
Maybe I miss you, but you're probably a lot happier with me.
I guess I was your game for a while, but like every gamer
there's always a new game out so you forget about your old
one. I guess it's fine. Like I said, I don't depend
on you. I just liked having someone who cared, but now I'm
alone. Alone and abandoned is how I've felt fcor a week. I
thought I'd be over it by now, but I guess I was wrong. I
loved you, and I'd do anything for you. I still would.
That's what I hate. Whenever, if ever, you want to come back
I will be right there for you. Acting like nothing ever happened
because I want to spend the rest of my life with you, forever and
always. What happened to that? We talked about a future, a real
one. But now you're probably with someone else,
you're probably happier. Why would you need me? I'm just
a useless girl who is in love with you. I never knew what love
was until I met you. You showed me people do care, but then you
showed me how poeple can leave like it's nothing. Four
monthsfealt like four years. I was happier, everyone could tell.
I was happy becuase you always listened to me, I always listened
to you even though you almost never wanted to talk about anything
that was wrong. I guess I talked too much to you about my
issues. You say you felt like my life depened on you, like
you were the only reason I didn't cut or kill myself. The
truth is you weren't. Yeah you were a big help, but the
reason I didn't do that was becuase things were going good
for me. If you felt like that why wouldn't you tell me. Your
excuse was you knew I needed support, but what I really needed
was the truth. People all my life have lied to my face
to 'help' me. I thought you and I promised no more
secrets long ago? Whatever happened to that? I've worked my
a.ss off trying to keep all the promises I made to you, not
cutting, trying to be better with people, telling t=you the
truth. Every single one I've tried. Did you ever try to keep
them? Did I ever mean the world to you? I thought I did, you
acted like I did you've even said I did. But you showed me
it's easy for you to hide stuff. I hate showing people the
real me, the things deep insidemy soul. I showed you ever bit of
me, the good and bad. I told you everything. Did you? You would
never tell me what was wrong with you. Ever. Do
you know how painful it is to see the person who means everything
to you be sad and not tell you? I'd always ask what was
wrong, you'd never tell no matter how much I asked. You just
got mad that I wouldn't stop when you asked me to. I
wouldn't stop because I know what it's like to keep
everything inside, I've done it for fourteen years straight,
and I want to help you. But you'd make me tell you
what was wrong me with me. You never would let me just brush it
off. How the he.ll is that fair? I have so much more to day, but
how do I even say it. I guess I'll write to you again
sometime.