Draconequus*

Status: #clarkesdum
Joined: April 3, 2012
Last Seen: 3 years
Birthday: August 10
user id: 289069
Location: Mametown
Gender: F

hi, i'm dayne and i don't do much but

( this isn't me, but aren't they lovely? )
 

Draconequus*'s Favorite Quotes

you're fine, you just need some time.
the ache in your knees will subside.
baby you're fine.

your skin will turn to iron and your heart will blush again.
some day these bullet-like exchanges won't bring you any pain.

when the grey ceiling mumurs a "good morning" to you,
and when having ammonia in your lungs has become normal to you:
even then, bubby, you're going to be fine.

choose to be nice to yourself every day.
show up, check on your friends, eat your meals on time and rest when you can.

it's sad realising how alone you are.
why were you running so hard? who was this all for?
smiles and words you wanted so badly: they were never for you.
how heavy these burdens are, how endless these tears are.
the herniated hip from birth, it certainly was signposting to what was to come.

it hurts more deeply the more you think about it.
the grieving can pause while you sleep.

before bed, without much thought: sleep.
no lucid dreaming, just rest.

without wanting it to:
it hurts, it hurts, it hurt.
without wanting to:
i have to accept it. i think i will have to do that from now.

it's hard, but i will be fine.
you always have time, you've always got time.

you'll be fine.
Last night I questioned my belief in God.  But my belief in God had an airtight alibi.
At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
 
I've had an account on this website for a little over 9 years now.

It's weird to think that the dominant culture of the Internet now were preschoolers and elementary school kids while I was spending hours coding, reading stories, chatting with friends, and expressing my teenage angst on this site.

I don't even know if younger teens today would even be interested in a site like this.

Either way, this site has deeply impacted me in ways I didn't even realize until recently. If I had never gotten into Witty, I'd probably never be interested in code and think it was too complicated (and it can be complicated -- but the products of coding can be very rewarding).

I'm at a bit of a crossroads about my career path right now, and thinking about the time I spent on Witty and Tumblr coding has me thinking about getting back into it.

And even more so, if I had never started using Witty, I would have never discovered how much I love writing and creating stories. I liked it even before I joined Witty, but reading some of the stories on here (that seem so cheesy and cliche now) sparked so much joy and imagination in me that I began creating worlds on paper so vibrant and vivid as if they were real. My biggest dream and goal in life is to become a fiction author and turn those books into films. I hope to make a living off of just that someday, but for now, I'm just trying to find a plan B.

So much has changed over nine years, but so much is still the same. I guess I expected more to be different. I guess I expected life to make more sense and to get easier; it didn't. In many ways I'm proud of how far I come, and in some ways, I kind of expected myself to be further than I am. I don't know if 13-year-old me would be proud of me, but I think she'd be surprised that I was able to make it past 18. I think she'd be disappointed that I don't have a solution for who I am, but at least I have an answer.

Going 22 years without knowing that I'm neurodivergent has taken a huge toll on me and robbed me of so much of my youth and so many opportunities. Logging on and reading old quotes unlocks emotions I didn't know I still felt and hurt I didn't know I still harbored.

I don't know how many of you will, but I'll certainly remember this site in another 9 years. If this planet lasts that long, I'll certainly log back in and update you all on whether or not I managed to find a hack for my oddly-wired brain. I hope I can make bigger and more meaningful changes in my life during this next decade minus 1 year.

Peace!

So. I almost died yesterday. It was a real eye opener. Uh, we went out to the water with some friends and we were all drinking. I fell into the water and, I didnt try to resurface. I just let myself sink. Watched bubbles float up. In those seconds I just thought to myself that I didnt care anymore. Then all of a sudden three people were pulling me out of the water and slammed me onto the sand. So now Im sitting here with a really, really bad sun burn and a sore body; wondering why I was so okay with sinking. (Monday @1:54)





AND ALL THE BEST LIES
THEY ARE TOLD WITH FINGERS TIED. SO CROSS 'EM TIGHT.




 

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This quote does not exist.
Your eyes intimidate like black magic I’ve tried to avoid yet can’t seem to get out of. I’m trapped in a swamp of dead bodies, but maybe if I remain under your spell you’ll be kind enough to bring me back to life.

every key turning in its lock sounds the same and you're home somewhere but not with me
i wonder if you're happy with the locks that you've got or if you miss the doors you used to walk through