lovecrazy

Not trying to brag or anything,
but I just saved everyone's lives. I was in the shower and there was this giant man eating spider that wanted to eat everyone and take over the universe, but I killed it. You can all thank me now.

 

HA HA HA guuuuys I just got reported and blocked on Facebook.
It's actually quite funny, so let me tell you. A girl I go to school with posted a picture of her in a bikini doing the duck lips and peace sign saying "getting tan" actually she wasn't tan she's burnt af. Anyway, that bikini is 5x too small... So I commented "The camel called, he wants his toe back." She didn't like that too well uh ohhhh we've got an angry dorito on the loose guys.

 

It's sad how the only time we want to live

>> is when we're told that we're dying.

 

I don't understand why some girls think it is so cute
to take pictures after they get out of the shower or something and their wet hair soaks their shirt. Honey, you look like you're lactating.

 

I will only say this once. I should not have to, and will not repeat myself.
If you ever in anyway whatsoever disrespect someone in the military, or their family, I will personally escort you and sign you up for the military. Those men and women have more guts and courage than you probably ever will, and they deserve all of your respect. I can't count on one hand how many family members I have out their risking their lives for us, and if you have the nerve to say something bad about them, we're going to have a major problem. I do not care if you are against war, you respect people that are out there fighting for your freedom.

 

Normal people: Awe! Your baby is so cute! He/she looks just like you!
Me: Dude your kid is ugly af. I'd get my money back if I were you.

 

Friend: You'll never guess what I'm wearing.
Me: What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?
Him: Uh khakis.
Me: Well, she sounds hideous.
Him: Well, she's a guys so..

 

If you're a guy and you wear flip flops,
I'm judging you. I'm judging you so hard. And yo ratchet àss feet better be controlled and look presentable.

 

I hate hearing little kids calling other kids names or laughing at them,
they're like 5 years old and I want to punch them in the face. That's what happened to me, and I never want a kid to feel like that. I was like 6 or 7, and in 1^st grade, and one day at recess these little girls were making fun of my hair. After recess, I ran to class and cut my hair with the scissors we were supposed to use for crafts later. My mom had to come pick me up because I wouldn't stop crying. That shìt hurts, and fùcks you up forever.

 

I was at the store earlier with my mom
and there was this lady who was around 70-80 with her daughter who was maybe like 40-50. The daughter was like "Mom, where did you put the crackers?" and the lady was "Up my àss. That's where." Maaaaan, I love sassy old people.