maktub

you werent just a highschool relashionship. i hate when you say that or when other people do. dont tell me to just get over it, because you werent just a highschool girlfriend. you were my first real love. you were the first person i truley cared about. it wasnt "just another relashionship" to me.

In this bed I once was whole We came together as one soul But now there is a missing part A missing piece of my heart And at this bed I look unto I see me, but only an Impression Of You.

Finally i got too a computer. but theres not enough time to vent... to write everything thats been on my mind the past few weeks. these past couple weeks have been the most fun ive had in a long time, but at the same time theyve been the most difficult, horrible weeks for me. how does that work? im learning to function on my own again, thank god. If it wasnt for me wanting to constantly cut or kill myself, then id be better by now. but thats all i think about, is the thing. it sucks. really. theres no peace of mind, theres no closure, just moving on, onto the next one. finding peace in the little things, thats my secret. take it day by day. stay busy during the day and when night comes and your left with nothing but your thoughts, do whatever you need to do to survive that night. survive day by day, never overthink too much. just do what feels right.

Thank god its almost winter. Long sleeves....

IF ONLY YOUF  BELEIVE ME IM TELLING THE TRUTH. i AM TELLING THE TRUTH

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Id give anything for you to belive me. for you to just give me the benifit of the doubt and beleive me. then within 2 days we could be lying on the beach with not a worry in the world. 

And the worst part of this all; you thought we werent real. I can never get past that.

Isnt it funny how you go out, let two other guys feel you up, then ontop of that makeout with at least 8 guys, tounge in all. And to top it off, you slept with 2 other completly different guys within the same night. The catche: ive had to ask about every single incident. You didnt tell me. i wasnt worth the truth to you. and yet, in the end of the relashionship, Im the bad guy.

That moment of sheer terror, when you show your mom yout scars for your first time.