manders1711

me caring
was asking about his day. was asking about the other girls he texted. was spending as much time as possible with him.

him caring
was braging about me to his parents. was finding a heart shaped rock then giving it to me. was holding me every chance he got. 

similar, but different.^ 

When I was five, I can remember sitting in the car with my dad and saying, "Daddy, I wanna be popular when I grow up." Those were my exact words and as i grow and now prepare for highschool they echo through my thoughts. Next i remember him saying something like, "Its not as fun as you think it will be." I don't remember the rest because I decided I would look out the window and think about what it would be like.
I am now 14 years old and sitting on my bed, on a Friday night preparing for a soccer tornament tomorrow, wondering how I got to where i am. Some how i have managed to become one of the most popular and most liked girl in my school and i know that, i just have never realized it till this year. and maybe thats because it just happened this year, I'm still not sure on that part. But what I am sure of is that I now realize how right my dad was about being popular and how its not the best thing ever. Yeah I have the grades, I play the sports, and I guess I'm considered pretty. This is when people usually stop reading and say to themselves, "I'm not wasting my time on this pitty story for someone who has it all" and im not going to lie and say it isn't a pitty story, but i will say that its real and everything im putting in is true.
My language arts teacher called up some people in my class to talk to her. while talking to two of my friends later, i found out it was so they could write a speech for our graduation. im going to b honest, i really wanted to speek and was really hoping i would get the chance too, so when my two friends, who btw are guys that maybe arn't the "coolest" guys around but are in all my classes, asked if i would help them write the speech, i wasnt going to say no. the only problem was that i wasnt suppose to. so they insited upon asking the teacher if i could work with them. on the way to the teachers room, they were talking about me speeking and thought it would b a good idea and stuff. i was just going along with the hole thing. the teacher agreed to letting me help and didnt seem to care at all. 
We walked back to class and you would have thought world war 3 started. i sat in my seat and listened to everyone but maybe 5 people in my class sit and talk about how i had too many awards already and didnt deserve the oppertunity to speek. and how i talk to fast and my voice is annoying and how nobody would want to listen to me talk for too long. or my favorite, that came from my group of 'friends' i had been hanging with all year, saying that they never liked me and thought i would do a terrible job with the speech and just mess around the hole time. im not as strong as people may think i am and thse comments going on around me were hitting me hard. iv had waaay worse things said about me, but coming from my classmates that never said anything about me before just killed me. right after that class was lunch and on the way my class decided to go to another class and talk about the hole situation with me in the room. soon the class was split and an arguent broke out. this is when i left crying with one friend i had left. that was the moment i realized the poeple i had been with for so long were just using me. i still dont now y because i sure as heck have no money. my dad lost his job which now is the real reason i am getting a job for the summer. i need the security of having some extra money. maybe it was because of the other people i know, or maybe it was because im close with a lot of the guys in my school, i dont know and at this point i dont care. 
 the teacher ended up ending the hole group speech thing and is now having us write our own and she said i could submit one. i havent decided if i was going to yet or not but that doesnt matter. i lost one of my best friends in this hole thing and i didnt go to school today because i didnt want to deal with eveyrone. people looked at me in the hallway and gave me the dirtiest look you could get. the hole incident made me realize what people were willing to do to knock me on my butt. its killing me and all i want to do is get out of middle school. i can count the one friend i have left on my one finger. and this is all over a class speech! i mean maybe im just PMSing and being too emotional about everything, then maybe im realizing i want more from life. im dating the hotest guy in our school and unhappy with him. im getting strait As while playing on three different sports teams. 
WHY DO I FEEL SO EMPTY INSIDE WHEN I SEE THAT I HAVE EVERYTHING?? 

The Jews went through a lot in life

You could be a man or a wife

They still hated you

And that makes me blue

It stabs at my heart with a knife

Anne Frank was a very strong girl

She was nice and shined like a pearl

Though she died so young

She still lives among
My heart, you should give her a whirl

I am jelous of you and my ex together, I really am. And i'm not scard to say that! You can say that he likes you more or picked you over me or whatever your little heart desires, but i hate(actuly i love) to break it to you that, when it comes down to it, he would drop us both for a hot beach babe(which is not you). So know that thats been said, I'm going to let you know that i'm not going to turn around and talk smack, send nasty messages, or get people to hate you. I'm going to grow up and have a little self control unlike you did, because thats just who I am. :)