But at the end of the
day, our crushes are just normal people. We cast
them in such a heroic light for reasons we
can't even begin to explain or
understand. We deny it
repeatedly, but we are obsessed. They are
etched onto our minds. When we talk to them, our
stomachs feel like we're on a rollercoaster, nothing
else matters, and we are in a state of
euphoria. All appetite is lost, the world is put
on mute, and it's just the two of us. When we
don't talk to them, we review our last conversation,
overanalyzing every detail until we cringe and
freak out over what we could've said differently. Thus, we come
to the conclusions that we must beautify in order to regain
their attention. More make-up. More calorie counting.
Waking up earlier in order to iron our hair to
perfection. But each day, we see them laughing
with another girl, liking another girl's profile picture,
walking with another girl in the hall. It doesn't matter,
it doesn't matter...But why then do we a
die a little inside? We realize that the make-up,
the work-outs, the clothes...none of it had any
effect. And that it where the old familiar feeling of
perpetual ugliness comes back out to torture us.
This is when we truly begin to feel
worthless.
But at the end of the day, our crushes aren't just normal
people. They are the iniatiors of our
self-destruction, just when we thought we were on
the brink of happiness.