A little while ago, my mother insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most of the male population, I
found that shopping is boring and I preferred to get in and get
out. Equally unfortunate, my mother is like most women - she loves
to browse.
Yesterday my dear mother recieved a letter from our local
Target:
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Dear Mrs Dunmen,
Over the past six months, your son has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced
to ban you both from the store. Our complaints against your son,
Maurice Dunmen, are listed below and are documented by our video
survailence cameras.
February15: Took twenty four boxes of condoms and put them in other
people's shopping carts when they weren't looking.
March 2: Set all of the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off
at five minute intervals.
March 7: Made a trail of tomato sauce on the floor leading to
the women's restroom.
March 19: Walked up to an employee and said in an official
voice, "Code three in House Wares. Get on it right away."
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive
a reprimand from her supervisor thhat in turn resultetd with a
union grieviance, causing management to lose time and costing the
company money.
April 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.
April 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
April 15: Set up a tent in the Camping department and told the
children shoppers that he would let them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which about
twenty of the children obliged.
April 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screaming "Whycan't you people leave me
alone?" EMT's were called.
June 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror as he picked his nose.
June 10: While handling guns in the hunting department he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
July 3: Darted around the store suspiciously whilst humming loudly
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
July 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna
look' by using different sizes of funnels.
July 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people walked passed he
yelled "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
July 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "NO! IT'S THOSE
VOICES AGAIN!"
August 18: Wentt into a fitting room, shut the door, waited for a
little while then shouted out "Hey! There's no toilet
paper in here!" One of the clerks passed out.
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Hope this made you laugh as it did me.
~maurice~