Andjela *

Status: I do this great thing where I take things for granted and regret it/try to fix it when it's most likely too late!
Joined: March 13, 2012
Last Seen: 9 months
user id: 283515
Location: CLE
Gender: F
 

Quotes by Andjela *

Things just aren't going to work out for me, huh? I've been single for two years, my last relationship was a joke and before that I was with someone who I considered to be my soulmate. I am about to graduate college and I met him when I was a senior in high school. We have been broken up for three years and he still crosses my mind everyday, even though we really don't talk. I was ready to falll in love with my best friend at some point, but didn't let myself fall because I was too scared, and it didn't matter because he didn't feel the same way, so we don't talk anymore because I emotionaly cannot maintain a friendship with him that won't turn into anything more, my heart can't take it. For the last year, one of my exes and I started being f/ck buddies, because it was easy and fun and we didn't want to have feelings. He went on to stat dating another girl without even telling me, and I thought we were better friends than that. And now last night, one of my best friends from high school confessed his love for me, and we slept together because we were drunk and it seemed right in the moment. He was looking me in the eyes telling me he loves me, and I felt something in my heart that I haven't felt in years, since I've been with the guy I thought I was going to marry in high school. But when the sun rose and he had time to process everything, he tells me that a lot of his feelings are from years ago, that he doesn't think that pursuing us is something that he can mentally handle right now. That his feelings were once true, but that this was all in the heat of the moment. And on top of that, I've just been aimlessly wandering on Tinder for years, thinking that maybe if I just stick it out I will end up meeting someone worth my time, but of course I'm wrong. I don't know what to do and I have been immensely disappointed time after time after time and I feel so lost. I haven't had feelings for f/cking years and as soon as it seems like there's a chance, it IMMEDIATELY disappears, just like that. It's as if the moment I feel some kind of emotion, it's an automatic "f/uck you" from life and I get crushed, every single time. I don't know how much more patient I need to be, and how much longer I have to deal with this until I can finally feel my heart set on fire for another person again. 
If only I had the chance to go back in time, knowing everything I do now.
I wish I knew how to sit still and let life happen on its own. I always jump to conclusions and let my emotions attach to an idea that doesn't exist. I'm never neutral either. I'll put my cynical outlook on life onto any situation I'm going through, and when I decide that I should lighten up, my head is up in the clouds but my feet aren't on the ground. I sabotage myself, or I get my hopes up. 
I fell in love with an idea, but that's all it'll ever be.
Maybe, just maybe,
one day I'll hear your name
and see your face and
I'll feel nothing.
I desparately dream about this day every night now. 

Put down your world, just for one night, and pick me again.
So please let me be free from you. Please let me be free.
I can face the truth. 

I need to calm down. 
I want everything to do with you, dear. I want to be there for you through anything and everything. And when our time comes.. when we can finally settle down and agree that we can give each other our all, I'll be the happiest girl on this planet. I want you. Someday, I'll need you. I can't wait to see what our future holds for us. 
"You sounded a little different at first, but once we started really talking I thought 'there is your sweet voice that I've missed."
"There are a lot of times I just wish you were here, or I was there."
"You set the bar so high that I don't know if I will ever meet someone that even comes close, let alone meets or exceeds the standards you've set for me."
"I was able to love you, but I didn't love myself, so I didn't love you the way I should have."
"I think I'll always be here for you, if you ever needed me or needed to talk, I couldn't turn you away. And I know I could to other people, but never you."
"I still have feelings, but we are at such different points in life, and we're growing up."
"I would really like to see you in person one of these days before school starts back up."
"You look really good, from what I've seen in pictures."
"I would compare her to you all the time. She would do things and I'll think 'Andjela wouldn't do that, I don't like that' or 'She wouldn't do that, but Andjela would, and I liked that she did that.' I shouldn't have been comparing her to you so much but it got to the point I just didn't like her anymore, and she wasn't you."