Today you are you that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is youer than you.
May 25, 2012
Depends on where my mind chooses to live.
About:I'm not a very inspiring person although I wish I could be. I like to write stories. It's very hard for me to find time to write them so just bare with me if you read them. I enjoy feedback. I'm a huge dreamer. And yet I'm pulled back by the reality of everything. I don't feel like I get anywhere in life. I walk 2 steps forward and am pulled 10 steps back. I have always dreamed of traveling the world and seeing the places I've only read or heard about. So if you could please describe places you love or have wanted to see and maybe if my biggest dream comes true I'll visit the place you mention. Thoughts and ideas always cloud my mind. I don't think I ever stop thinking. If you want to know more about me just hit me up. I'm a pretty open person about most things and I'm willing to give advice to others. Oh and I also would love if people could tell me some songs to check out. I love hearing new things. Books and quotes are also appreciated on my account. Don't have anyone I really talk to on this site but that's okay. You guys probably wouldn't like me very much anyways.
Favorites: Very little because I fall in love with everything. One of my few favorites is a Lily. And I'm obsessed with old fashioned names. My favorite author by far though is Ellen Hopkins. Check her out guys. You won't regret it.
Personality: I guess you could say I'm always happy. At least that's what my friends think. In all actuality though I'm not. Every thing ticks me off easily. I feel like I'm always right about a situation. Very aggressive.
Quotes I'm obsessed with:
~He is drowning, and it is too late. He reaches
for her like an addict reaching hopelessly for the drug
he has sworn not to touch again,
having decided it is better to burn up in one final blaze
than live forever without it.~
~But she's not like a star. Stars are bright but they're
small and all to alike from afar.
She's more like a firework;
She's bright and loud and unescapable.
And you barely have long enough to marvel at her beauty,
before she's disappeared again,
leaving your night sky nothing but a cluster
of stars once more.~
~If your eyes weren't open, you wouldn't know the
difference between dreaming and waking.~
~You is kind. You is smart. You is important.~
~Real love finds you once,
if your lucky.~
~Khalepa ta kala.~
~To love is to destroy. And that to be loved,
is to be the one destroyed.~
~The most dangerous sicknesses, are those
that make us believe that we are well.~
~There are dreamers and there are realists in the world.
You think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists,
but more often than not, the opposite is true.
See, the dreamers need the realists to keep the dreamers from soaring too close to the sun.
And the realists? Well, without the dreamers,
they might not ever get off the ground.~
~I'm thankful for my years spent with this family, for everything we shared,
every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them with me and
lead by their example wherever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you,
so here it goes. This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road.
Maybe It's because I look at everything as a lesson, or because I don't want to walk around angry,
or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen,
but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without,
but have to let go.~
Story passages that I love to the moon and back:
I run for I don't know how long. Hours, maybe, or days. Alex told me to run. And so I run. You have to understand. I am no one special. I am just a single girl. I am five feet two inches tall and I am in-between in every way. But I have a secret. You can build walls all the way to the sky and I will find a way to fly above them. You can try to pin me down with a hundred thousand arms, but I will find a way to resist. And there are many of us out there, more than you think. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to come to earth. People who love in a world without walls, people who love into hate, into refusal, against hope, and without fear. I love you. Remember. They cannot take it.
"You swore to stay with me," he said. "When we made our oath, as parabatai. Our souls are knit. We are one person, James."
"We are two people," said Jem. "Two people with a covenant between us."
Will knew he sounded like a child, but he could not help it. "A covenant that says you must not go where I cannot come with you."
"Until death," Jem replied gently. "Those are the words of the oath. 'Until aught but death part thee and me.' Someday, Will, I will go where none can follow me, and I think it will be sooner rather than later. Have you ever asked yourself why I agreed to be your parabatai?"
"No better offers forthcoming?" Will tried for humor, but his voice cracked like glass.
"I thought you needed me," Jem said. "There is a wall you have built about yourself, Will, and I have never asked you why. But no one should shoulder every burden alone. I thought you would let me inside if I became your parabatai, and then you would have at least someone to lean upon. I did wonder what my death would mean for you. I used to fear it, for your sake. I feared you would be left alone inside that wall. But now... something has changed. I do not know why. But I know that it is true."
"That what is true?" Will's fingers were still digging into Jem's wrist.
"That the wall is coming down."
Quotes by midnightlover
Cordelia:It's awful to feel that
Buffy: Hmm so you've read something about
Cordelia: Hey, you think I'm never lonely
because I'm so cute and popular?
Cordelia: I can be surrounded by people and be
Cordelia: It's not like any of them really
know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time.
People just want to be in the popular zone.
Cordelia: Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so
busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well if you fell so alone, then why do you
work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well it beats being alone all by
People do things to people because of their skin color.
Yes it's true. Sad but true.
But sometimes things happen between two different colored people
and people automatically
blame r.acism. There doesn't have to be any evidence to
idea that the act was r.acist it just automatically is. Maybe
r.acism would die down a bit
if people didn't just jump to that conclusion everytime
someone was hurt/murdered/arrested
by someone of a different skin type.
Sometimes people look for things that
~The only people for me are the mad
the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk,
and mad to be saved,
desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing,
but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders
across the stars.~
I haven't been talking again. I don't see the point. Dr.
Sylvia has been questioning me non-stop. She's become crazed
about it. But I just don't feel like it. I think I used up all
my energy. Apparently I have to go to classes now. I've been
excused from a lot of them. They consider if I can talk in a fight
I can talk in a group. They are sadly mistaken.
Jace has been avoiding me like the plague. Well then again so is
everyone else. Even Skyler. That really shouldn't surprise me.
It does though. It kind of hurts too. So again I'm a loner. But
that's okay because it's the only way I know how to be.
This is a new group activity for me. It's a sharing circle. You
pretty much discuss your problems and see that everyone excepts you
for who you are.
Right now blonde ice brat is talking. I see I left her nose broken.
I feel a small satisfaction over that. Then I regret it. I
can't believe I did that. She doesn't deserve the vengence
I have. No one deserves that except the person who gave it to me.
If I ever get out of here I swear I'll hunt him down. I
don't care the stakes.
I keep my head down and write in my journal. It's the only
thing I know how to do. I remember doing other things. But they
never worked. This is also a safer way to control my anger. I
don't take it out on anyone. Not even myself. I write
about what happened yesterday and what's happened since then. I
get so caught up in my work I don't hear the silence until
it's become socially awkward. I look up ever so slightly.
Everyone is staring at me and yet not staring at me. They are
terrified of me so they won't look at me directly and yet they
are still curious as to why I'm not talking. I tilt my
head to the side.
The doctor gives an exasperated sigh. "I asked you what you
would like to share with us." I look back down at my journal
and keep writing. And yet they still don't seem to get the
hint. The silence still goes on. I don't look back up though.
Eventually they will get bored of sitting in silence
Then I hear an unexpected voice in my ear. "Just answer them.
It doesn't have to be anything big. You can start off
small." I freeze at the sound of his voice. I want to melt
into it. The feeling is so overwhelming that I do. "I promise
you nothing will happen." I spare a look at him. His muddy
eyes staring into mine. I get a sence of calm. I bite my lip to
feel something, anything. It clears my head a little. I glance up
at his face one last time.
I don't look away as I speak. I make it so I'm speaking to
him. As if no one else is in the room. "My name is Rain. My
mom named me after her mom. Who was named after her mom and so on
and so forth. It traces back to the tribal days. It means healing
and progress from where I am from. My last name is Misra. It means
mixed. So I guess if you translate my name it would mean mixed
healing. And I guess that's what I'm here for. A type of
healing. A healing that most people never have to go through.
It's mixed with many people who need all diferent types of
healing. People like me."
Jace seems impressed. He gives me an encouraging smile. I smile
back. I then look around the room. Everyone is staring at me in
some type of awe. I look at the doctor and she's smiling big
and proud like she had something to do with it. I look back to my
journal. I close it. I want to hear the different stories of
healing and loss.
So this is a site for the name Rain. It
describes her pretty much perfectly
except the Rain in my story got pushed a little bit to
far and lost the reality that comforted her. She
lost all her sensible parts and gave
into her imaginary realm.
When I was alone. Months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds
would all melt together into one big blur. Nothing mattered. It was
always just one endless circle. I zoned out for most of it. I
couldn't keep track of myself. I still have no idea how long
I've been here or what day it is. But I'm getting better. I
can keep track of the hours. I can count the days. Things are still
hazy but getting better.
I don't want this clarity to go away. It feels nice. I have to
keep Jace near me. He's the only one who seems to be able to
help. I don't know why so don't ask. I don't think I
can let this kid go. So that means letting him have what he wants.
I have to speak to him. I practice speaking in my room. My voice
sounds scratchy in my ears. Too throaty. Too loud. I think I should
stick to silence. I head out to the cafeteria for breakfast.
My baggy sweatpants and oversized sweater are very comforting when
I realize Jace isn't there in his normal spot. He's over by
the crowd. The crowd he was with before. My heart plummets. He
looks up over at me and I quickly bring my head down. My hair
covering the pain on my face. I shuffle my feet over to the lunch
line. I pick up an orange, cheese stick, and a bowl of pudding.
I'm about to sit down when I hear my name being called. I look
ever so slowly searching for the name calling to me. It's not
Jace. My heart plummets again. And then it slowly rises half way.
Turmoil begins in my stomach.
The person calling to me is a girl at Jace's table. Her golden
hair falling just above her shoulders. Her smile reminds me of
icicles. It just seems cold and uninviting. Not to bring more hate
onto my self I slowly walk over there. She pats the seat right next
to her. Jace is on the other side of me. He doesn't even look
at me. If anything he moves farther away. "So how are you
I don't answer. She doesn't expect me to though. She keeps
on talking as though I will answer. Her voice brings shivers down
my spine. I stare at my food feeling sicker by the minute. I know
I'm being made fun of here. But I just can't figure out how
it's happening yet. Everyone else at the table is silent. Like
they are waiting for some big showdown. I sit there waiting for it.
And eventually it comes. "So have you ever been to a
circuis?" I freeze. My breathing seems to stop. "I have.
It was tons of fun. The food was filled with tons of calories
though. My favorite part though was the clowns."
I choke. I feel the tension in my shoulders. I feel the anger
bubbling up. I feel myself choking back frustration, and the
saddness. But most importantly the memories. I push them back so
hard. I won't give into what she wants. "The clowns had
painted smiles and yet such saddness in their hearts. It's
almost like they were willing to... I don't know... I guess it
was like they were eternally sad because they had to give people
happiness. But I bet if they were given a chance they would turn
around and hurt someone. Don't ya think?"
I snap. I can't help it. I turn my face to hers. I stare her
down for what seems like eternity. I see her smile falter for a
split second and that's all I need. I pounce. I feel my
sadistic side come into play. The side I hate to show. "I
suggest you shut up before I shove my size 8 foot up your skinny
little butt." Everyone stares in utter shock. I realized I
have just spoken in front of people out of anger. My mistake.
She recovers quickly. "Or what freak?" And I completely
lose it. All the words and actions from before have been piling up
for this one moment. Just this one second. They all come flooding
back. Making me loose control. I let it happen. I clench my fists.
Quick as ever though I bring up my right one and slam it into her
face. She falls to the ground. I can tell her nose is broken. I
don't care. I turn back to my lunch. I can tell people are
staring at me. Then there eyes move upward. Before I can react I
feel me being yanked back by my hair.
"So you think you're so tough? Just because you get one
punch in. I'd beg to differ." She pulls harder. I feel
hair coming out of my head. I know it will hurt if I do what I
think I should. So I brace myself. And I turn myself around. It
twists the hair right out of my head. I grab the girl by her legs
and yank her down. She falls rather quickly. That could be because
she is only bones. I hear people screaming and yelling. Then I hear
silence. I look up and see Dr. Sylvia standing there. She looks
shocked to see me here on the ground where the fight had broken
out. So I decide to shock her even more. "Hello Dr.
Sylvia." She nearly faints.