miserablybreaking

Little do you know that you're my everything.
The one I love, the one I want, the one I need.
Little do you know you saved my life.
You told me you loved me at just the right time,
even though I know you just meant it as a friend.
You made me realize there's still hope.
I'm still young, there's so much more to come.
Little do you know you're beautiful.
I would spend my entire life with you,
even if I had no food or money or shelter.
I'd still be happy as long as I was by your side.
Little do you know that I lay awake at night
just hoping someday you'll realize we can be something more than just this.
I want you to feel the same.

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I've been struggling through life for almost 3 years.
For a few weeks now, I've been considering suicide.
My best friend didn't know until about 9 days ago.
She's never really knew just quite what to say to help ease the pain,
but I just texted her saying, "I'm not sure if it shows, but I want to give up so badly."
She texted me back, "never give up".
I started crying.
I think that's just the thing I've always needed to hear from her.
I finally feel like she cares and that she thinks I'm better than that.
I love her.

I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry.

I'll just keep on living with words unsaid.
Keep quiet, never let them in.
It's better this way,
alone and silent.
Days go by,
always violent.
Keep it a mystery,
Keep it unknown.
So when you leave,
no one will have known.

25 ways I plan on being happier.

1. Wake up earlier.
2. Eat healthier.
3. Listen to happier music.
4. Remind yourself of who loves you.
5. Take more photos, shoot more videos.
6. Dress to express.
7. Speak your mind.
8. Stay classy.
9. Write more often.
10. Be thankful and grateful.
11. Be proud.
12. Follow your heart.
13. Take risks, be fearless.
14. Be polite.
15. Remember, there's always worse people than you.
16. Spread peace, love, harmony, and happiness.
17. Make a difference.
18. Donate.
19. Smile more.
20. Laugh more.
21. Dare to be different.
22. Be silly.
23. Travel.
24. Spend more time outdoors.
25. Pamper yourself.
 
Hopefully, I actually somewhat follow this list this time. I want to succeed.

I swear,
I am the most selfish person to walk this earth.
And I hate it so much.
I'd apologize for the millionth time,
but I'm not sure who to apologize to this time.
Let me explain:
Here, I am, sitting in a dark room filled with self loathe
and a body filled with emotion and poisoned blood.
Here I am again,
reaching for a blade.
And now, here I am,
attempting to get every last drop of poison out of my body.
Though, I do not want to die.
I just choose to suffer, and to torture myself.
This is a selfish act itself.
But when you think about it,
here I am, acting like this,
when there are people out there who suffer daily.
And people who would love a life like mine.
So, I guess, the people I should be apologizing to are,
not only my friends who have to live with me always bashing on myself
and killing a person that they apparently love, but also those kids in need.
Those families, those people who suffer from hunger.
And no shelter.
No job.
No friends.
No money.
No gifts.
Barely any smiles.
Probably no laughs.
I'm sorry to you all.
If I could build you all a life like mine,
I would.