missbellalove

He was December, she was July. He wanted everything, she just wanted to make him smile. They never got along, but she always let it go. Never thought the only thing he wanted was to get her alone. I wonder if her clueless daze left him with whiplash, because every time they kissed all he did was stare. No smile on his face as he silently stroked her hair. I suppose he never wanted anything at all, except a reason to be on this earth and not to feel as small. But she truly was honest, and never let it seep through the growing cracks and silent tears that fell from her two cheeks. Love was evident in her eyes and maybe that was it. The way she tried so very hard just made him want to quit. 
 

 

the sad part is, i know you're never gonna want a real relationship with me. I'm just holding onto something that's impossible...
 

I don't understand this. I don't understand how you can just pop right back into my life OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, and I just let you in. It doesn't matter what's going on, if I have a perfectly happy and normal relationship with someone else, you just come in... and you ruin all of it. I can't even begin to describe how disgusting I feel right now with myself. Because I knew you'd do this. If I ever tried to even associate with you again, you would do something to make my trust for you vanish, just like it always does. But I don't even mean to do it... I don't mean to lead people on, but I do. I lead you on and you literally ate it up. I hate this. I hate this feeling. I haven't felt like this in months. And it's all your fault. It's your fault for always coming back to me, expecting me to fall right back into whatever "thing" we had going on in the past. And I guess it's also my fault for letting you do it, and acting like I'm fine with it. But now you're going to see that I'm not like all the other girls you talk to. I'm not some girl you can just think about and suddenly I'll be right there, right then. When I see you in a few weeks it's going to be hell. But right now, I don't care. I'm over this. I'm over you. I can't deal with you or this relationship anymore. Goodbye.

it's not like i haven't been hurt before,
but it just kills me because i opened up to you.
I let you inside my world & gave you all of me.
i tried so hard to believe this wouldn't end badly.
but you ended up to be just what i had feared.
i know now that i can't trust anyone because,
i actually thought you were different.