white pill bottle of constant disdain,
Placed in a cupboard of cures.
The thick, sinking stench of dull, red blood In a bathroom of
Stroking the red, raised, bleeding,
Marks on my wrist, the bumpy
Stinging Identification of a numbing
Pain, an absent soul.
I dress into the clothes of a whole nother being.
As i change unaware, A group of girls,
Once close, concerned friends,
Tare open the notebook I still have.
Fighting tears, for what they find
Makes them sick to the heart.
They read frazzled print, blak ink,
Of a girl who's greateat wish is for the strength,
The strength to end it all.
They sob, tiny cries, in quiet voices.
They want me to come back.
They want me to try.
I lay surrounded by others,
On a hard, tile floor.
Sleep should come easy.
But the loudest, most intoxicating sound
Rings through my ears, and shakes my bones.
The silent voice, from inside myself,
Drags me to the corner of a circle,
And leaves me to suffer.
I choke on the taste of my own will,
Paralyzed in my throat;
Paralyzed with fear I couldnt put at ease.
Tis a morning of neccesary hardship.
A mother and daughter, whom I've known forever,
Cry in unison; cry for me.
Beg me to make a promise, one that i don't intend to
My voice shakes.
Turn thoughts, absent thoughts, to words?
Impossible. They clog my throat.
"Mom...I need help."
My tongue burns.
I shouldn't have spoken.
Hard, Metallic, sticky smell of words,
Words I don't fully listen to.
As my mother agrees to my request,
Staring forward, my sight transforms.
The blurred vision of a broken mirror.
Never seeing. Only feeling.
A tear escaped me,
As i ginally put that memory to words.
Twas a hard day. A hard year.
It still is.
That was the day I admitted,
Out loud, To myself, For the first time.
"I..I can't do this anymore."
I still can't. Not on my own.
That was the day everything changed.
That was the day I kept a promise.
That was the day I fought for my life.
My english teacher gave us
an assignment: To write a
poem about a life changing excperience. Her examples were
"meeting your beat friend" and "joining a
sport". This is what I turned in. She gave me a perfect