my_tourniquet_x3

Pretty girl is suffering
while he confesses everthing
pretty soon she'll figure out
you can never get him outta your head
its the way that he makes you cry
its the way that he's in your mind
its the way that he makes you fall in love
Its the way that he makes you feel
its the way that he kisses you
its the way that he makes you fall in love, love
pretty girl- sugercult.

from the lack of sleep and the blood shot eyes to the nervous kiss and the butterflies.

She dreamed of suicide kisses and butterflies.
Dancing candles and night skies.
She dreamed of something so beautifully tragic,
That words could never describe

Burning pictures turn to ash.
Speed this up so we can crash
Teenage romance will never last.
Oh Heartbreaker, kill me fast.

i absolutly hate the guy
that makes me want to cut my wrists
the one that makes me want to wake up in the hospital hearing "shes not gonna make it"
i hate the guy that makes my stomach turn
i hate the feeling
i hate the guy that shattered my heart
with a couple little words
i hate him
i really do
but at that same time
i would do anything to have him
and would never in a million years let him go
if i did
im in love with this guy
no matter what happens
or what he did or does to me<33*

Cuts and Scrapes
fake Fingernails and jewlery
friends and broken hearts
school and good times
yesterdays and tomorrows
fights and makes ups
hair and going out
shopping and giggles
hugs and first kisses
secrets and fun
brokens and mends
yeah to me
thats what i call best friends<33*

Confessions of a Cutter

Silence:
Only tears
As I press the blade
Against my pale skin

Red:
The blood flows
From the wounds
Echoing my inner pain

Satisfaction:
As I feel the knife
Slicing into me
I only deserve pain

Anguish:
As I realize what I've done
I feel accomplishment
As I gaze at the marks upon my skin

Stares:
People are horrified
Don't understand why

Neither do I

Don't tell me how I'm feeling, you do not know anymore
Every time, you turn away from me close the door
I mean so little to anyone, if you think I want your love
Covering my wounds with that solitary glove
If I died tomorrow would anybody cry
I seem to doubt it in my mind, I feel an uneasy high
Thinking about my knife, lying by my bed
Where I can carve away my arms escaping my head
I can do it because I feel so alone and cold
I am young yet I feel so weary and so old
Weak and easy to give in to this temptation
Another fake smile another deep creation
For attention I don't do it, because attention I don't need
All I want is to be understood, not judged on the way I bleed
Let me go, I know you wont care as I slide away from life
If you love me, let me die so I can escape my strife

When I wake up I know exactly what to do that day, I'll put on a fake smile that even I don't recognize and say "I'm fine." when people ask if I'm okay. It's not like they will even notice that my smile isn't real and I'm sure that they won't be able to see the look in my eyes. However, as soon as I'm alone, I'll quickly make my way to my bed, I'll take a deep breath or two and turn on my radio, just incase I cry or make some other type of sound. I'll make my hand stop shaking, I'll roll up my sleeves. As soon as everything's ready I'll carefully watch as the cuts steadily spread up and down my arms. I'll check the scars and the old cuts as I watch the new ones bleed. Everyone thinks it hurts but I guess the reason I don't feel it is because when you feel pain enough you become numb to it. As I see the blood I'll start to feel okay again. I'll breathe again while I feel the pain fade away. Even though the cuts leave scars I know I was truly okay already and that if someone had asked me then I would have been telling the truth when I answered. My life WAS stress-free and the familiar pain wasn't there. Life was okay for a second. I watch the blood flow just like all the times before. I know that this friend won't leave me, not like all the other ones. As I slowly and carefully slip my safety pin into my pocket I realize this is the same process I'll repeat the next time my emotions get to hard to handle. Once again I'll feel ok when I know I'm in control again cause this is the one thing I control & I won't have to pretend & I won't have to lie because I'll be stress-free and my heartache will be gone even if just for a few minutes. The pain I've held back and let build up will be gone. Until then I put my hoodie back on and wrap my wrist so no one will see exactly what I did to me. After all, no one really cares what's behind the smile that they all know isn't real and no one dares ask about what's behind the fake look of happiness in my eyes

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