nothings_ever_built_to_last

Status:
Joined: February 15, 2012
Last Seen: 1 decade
user id: 274525

Quotes by nothings_ever_built_to_last




i wish i could vent non-stop and not have to worry about annoying the other person with my stupid, selfish problems.



 

 

i've heard of him.. seen him around.. but i only really just met him two nights ago. it was by far one of the best nights of my life. i felt free of all the pain that i've been recently going through. i was with one of my best friends and we were at a band showcase as an even of the highschool that she goes to. i'm two years younger than her... in eighth grade while she's in tenth. the guy is in tenth too. he was flirting with me the entire night. i was on his shoulders a couple times. he was carrying me around, too. we even sat in a corner and just talked for about 40 minutes. i felt like myself around him. i felt right. he felt right. i felt a connection... and now i haven't stopped thinking about him. but i doubt he would date someone two years younger than him. but right now that is what i am hoping for. but i know that my hopes will be crushed. i'm gonna get them up and then he's going to hurt me. that's why i will not tell him how i feel. i've messed that up so many times, i can't have it happen again. for now, i'll just play it by ear and see if there are any clues that lead up to him actually considering a disgraceful girl like me.

                                                                                      

         
 


all i want is someone that will actually listen.

 

And all i want to do is cry.

Sometimes I just wish I could disappear. I hate sitting and here and knowing that right now they're saying how no one likes me, i can't do anything... etc. Just the other day I went skiing and i made a facebook status saying "8 hours of skiing today(:" and they said "correction: 8 hours of sitting on top of the hill eating snow and not going down." Me being me, I believe them. I believe everything they say about me. I believe it when they say that I will never get a boyfriend and all my friends say to them how they don't want to hang out with me and they only do out of pity. After being tormented and then ignored every day, it's starting to get to me. I can feel it tiring me out. I can see the result in my grades at school. I can see it in my swollen eyes and tear streaked cheeks. i can hear it my mind when it keeps repeating itself making me hate everything ten times more. I just don't know what to do or what will help. I try talking to someone... it's just hard. nothing seems to help and it feels like words can't even express how much anger I feel. How much sadness. I told my guidance counselor I wanted to get homeschooled but he said that I would be running away from them and letting them win. Right now I don't care if they win. I don't care if I seem weak because I already know I am. All I want is to get away from them and their torturous selves.

Times like right now where all I want to do is disappear. 


 



there's a lot that i'm hiding underneath.          


 



The day you stop treating me like trash is the day I'll let go.


 







it feels like my whole life is an act.



 

 


my life is a nightmare in disguise.