notyep

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Joined: January 3, 2011
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user id: 143962

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Hello, my name is Peyton. I made a witty a while ago, just to favorite quotes. Then I recently looked at a few girl's witty accounts from my school. They both made me cry. One because this girl is just so strong. She goes to school with a boy she is in love with, and sees them in the hallway every day hugging, kissing, etc. They went out in sixth grade. The biggest mistake the boy did was tell her he was in love with her. I'm sure you girls know when you know you're in love with a boy and they say it back... those feelings are there forever. Everyone knows she is still in love with him. It hasn't came up recently, though. I've heard things about her, and i've never seen her not smiling. The other girl... I started bawling. Because her self-esteem is crumbled. Why? Because of me. Three years ago, I was the nastiest, meanest, obsurd girl you would ever meet. Okay, this will sound stupid, but I'm popular. I know it. People know when they are. But even if I am, I don't view people as nerds or geeks, they just don't have as many friends... Ooo. That was probably the wrong thing to say. I had no friends... but  I was popular. Why? Because I was a "slut" a "whore" I WAS a bitch, though. Before eighth grade, I had done nothing but makeout. FOR A DARE... with the guy i liked. But I was still the school whore. I absolutely ruined this girl's life. She thinks she doesn't belong anywhere, because she's jewish. On AIM in sixth grade, I would just go on and on and on calling her discusting names. Thinking back, I cry. I was a monster. I didn't even do this because my self-esteem was low. I didn't do it because I wanted friends. I did it because it was "fun" gave me "something to do". Why? Because I had no friends to hang out with. Why? Because I was a monster. You know I won't get into detail about this word, but it crosses my mind every day. Seventh grade, I was a monster in the beginning. I made a new friend that was older than me. I thought I was the coolest. Ditched my BESTFRIEND for her. We're bestfriends again, but not #1's. My neighbor is her new #1... I'm not funny enough. I haven't had a #1 bestfriend. I mean, I guess that doesn't matter, but I haven't had a person I can talk to. I bottle everything up. I, was a life ruiner in middle school, not knowing I was ruining everybody's life, including mine. Today, I am a freshman in highschool. I have many many friends. I say hello to many people in the hallway. Now, I have severe acne. I do not get up to throw something in the trash, sharpen my pencil, because I am so ashamed. I am slightly overweight. People say I'm not, because I am SO good at sucking in my stomach. My skin is greasy. I am really hairy. But I am viewed as popular. I don't even know why. I typed a long paragraph about boys, but who cares. I still like my ex, I broke up with him a couple weeks ago, asked for him back a couple days after, and he rejected me. We've gone out over 10 times and he used to not have many friends... until I saw something in him. My bestfriend, is perfect. (looks wise, she made a mistake with a boyfriend in 7th grade, two years ago, and the upperclassmen can't move on and give her shit. I feel so bad...) I've been bullied very minorly. But being a bully gives a huge affect on yourself. I have not one friend I can talk to, I live with guilt every day. I feel as if my parents don't love me. They hit me sometimes. I just can never be good enough at computers or track as my dad, or good enough at softball like my mom. And if I just wrote my biggest secret in the world on here, you'd never look at me the same again. But I have not told a soul, and probably will not until I find a true friend. Only my family knows... except my little sister. She's to young to understand...


Just let me tell you, if you have depression, tell someone. Don't bottle everything inside... my favorite quote: "Never run away from your problems, because once you face them again, they will twice as hard to overcome."

Don't know why I asted my time typing this. Not like anyone cares haha.
Also, remember everyone has feeling. I've ruined so many people's lives for the rest of their life. They will still think of me and think, "That bitch Peyton ruined my life. She'll never be good." I've learned from my mistakes and I just want someone to understand that I am good and I will be a friend. I will be nice to you, I won't talk about you, I won't gossip to you. Many will disagree because they never gave me a second chance. they talked to me in middle school and still have that impression of me.

"There are two 11:11's because everyone deserves a second chance."
People change a lot, in the beginning, for the worse. In the end, they realize everything and change for the better. I promise I'm not mean anymore

This is also another thing. I loved a boy and broke up with him. Why? No reason. It has been two months now. I thought I would be over it by now. There is this girl with curled hair to die for. She is very nice to me, but I know deep down she doesn't like me. I don't know what I did to her... in middle school she made my life hell. When I was in fourth grade, 9 years old, I wanted to take my own life because she was so mean to me. I thought of ways to make my death look like an accident. She was so pretty and popular that I didn't want to make her sad and let her know someone took their own likfe because of her. She didn't deserve that... right? So this boy, mitch. We were on and off since seventh grade. He told me he loved me in eighth grade and it took me four-five months to say it back. Why? Because when I said it I meant it. What really sucks, is that I am 14 years old. I fell in love at 13. NO ONE else, except this girl with perfect curls, and my other beautiful friend who lives next to a sexy sophomore has fallen in love. So when I randomly cry at school or when I am with friends no one understands. At first, he was going to ask one of my really good friends to homecoming. She was new to our school becausse she went to a different middle school where only 15% of that school went to my highschool. But she didn't want to go with him because she barely knew him and because she knows I love him. Now this girl with perfect curls likes him. I asked her to hang out the other day and she never replied... why? She was with mitch. But you know it's just so confusing when this boy tells me he still has feelings. Then him and this really pretty girl darby had a thing. I wouldn't allow it because it's so hard to watch the person you love like someone else. How can he give me a year and a half and then have those feelings just disappear? He told me he didnt want to go to homecoming at all. Cause i asked him... not in a big way... just like on text just for pictures then he can do whatever he wants after... I just miss him a lot. I hope one day he wakes up and realizes what he's been looking for has been there all along. I hope he looks me in the eyes one day and says, "Thank you for not giving up one me"