last night was bad.
I got into one of my super depressed moods while I was laying on
my bed. Usually I'll cry a little, but my thoughts are what kill
me. Well, instead of that, I just broke down bawling, and
couldn't stop. my thoughts were going crazy, everything from "if
I died now it wouldn't matter" to "just do it now and get it done
with". and I almost did. I got up and grabbed my pills, vodka,
and blade. I started cutting, which I have stopped doing for a
WHILE. I drank some vodka, and started to open the pills. then I
stopped. I put them away and sat down again. I started crying
even harder solely because I'm having these thoughts. I calmed
down a little bit and drifted into sleep.
no one knows this, not even the guy I'm talking to. my close
friends and him know I have depression, but they never know how
bad it gets. the guy I'm talking to knows a lot, but he doesn't
know that I've started to end it a few times. I needed to let it
out, and Witty has always been here for me, so here I did it.