polarbears1010

The anxiety's getting worse,
but the depression's getting better.
Does that even make sense?
It might just be because my mom is threatning to put me on anti- depressants
it makes me pretend to be happier,
but much more stressed... 

Just had an anxiety attack
in front of my mom.....
They're scary enough to deal with 
without them scaring other people
I don't think she thought they were as bad as they are...
she tells me to go to the nurse the next time they happen in school
she thinks I'm afraid of being alone
I'm really afraid of being with people...
even with my closest friends,
I always feel like they're judging me
like I'm bothering them
like they'll say something about me when I leave the room
or like they won't....

Yupp, I have severe social anxiety and we're not sure what to do about it.  My mom ended up being the one to point it out to me.  I guess it was pretty obvious, it's been about a month since I've properly slept, and I can't eat anything without getting sick.  It could easily be worse, though, and the sun is shining like it's spring.  Just really needed to talk about it, sorry if this pointless excerpt bugged you.

Guys, I seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY think I have depression or social anxiety or both.  I don't know who to tell or what to do about it or does this sound ridiculous?  What if I try to say something and people say I'm just a hypochondric?  What if they think I'm just trying to draw attention to myself?  I can't tell my mom, my brother is JUST getting over depression, I can't let her think her duaghter now has social anxiety.  It's just really driving me crazy and I don't want to be in this slump anymore preteding things are okay but then doing something I regret... I know this sounds like an average teenage thing, and I know I sound stupid, but I always sound stupid so why bother? 
...please help...

And I know that you're busy...
so don't worry, you don't have to reply <3

Lately, I've been getting the feeling everyone's mad at me, and I'd give anything to know, specifically, what I did

I'm slipping again,
and I'm trying to get a tighter grip
If only I could figure out what to hold on to...

me:
"I hate Valentines Day.  And it's not just cause I'm single and bitter, I-"
My friend:
"Face it, it's cause you're single and bitter."
me:
"...shut up..."

My friend and I in the cafeteria the day before we switch classes
My friend:
"So, where do you think you'll end up sitting next semester?"
Me:
"Knowing my luck, the restroom that smells the least like drugs..."

*My mom walks in my room*
"I just don't see what's so appealing about this; it's just a bed and a laptop."
*I walk in my room*
"I feel like i've just been engolfed in the flame of wonder while riding the magical fanastic unicorn of joy!"