purpose

Fresh bitter air tainted with crushed spirits,
Confinement crashes hope into the walls while your dreams go through the windshield. 
Disolve into neautrality and behave silently. 
Observe but never interfere; that's the rule.
Blindly walk into trouble and say kind words.
Look through your breath at a world full of bland tired repetitive expressions; taste.


I want to be as dark as a writer.
As purely black as Oscar Wildes soul.
As disturbed as Charles Bukowskis' nightmares.
Normal is nice but disturbed is adventure. -9:00 AM

 Inside me is the emotions of a thousand earthquakes. The tremors begin as the tectonic plates realign as thoughts whenever I’m influenced into distress. My hands are never going to be content as this disorder shakes more than just my physical being. I clutch at passers-by but always end up empty handed. I will not encounter stability in this lifetime. 

I drift into my days not fully conscious and when I look back, they all blur together. It’s like I am a roll of film that has already been used to record something dark and tragic. I feel I’ve been superimposed. 

I care about you, but not in the way you think.

You care about me, but not in the way I think. 


One is worse than the other.

The air is not clean enough
                             
                                   I am coping

  

✿ I am a weed in an immaculate labyrinth of blossoms ✿

Because I have seen my insides, I’ve stared at my flesh and the tapped on my veins. I’ve wept over the putrid fat and laughed with the organs. I’ve whispered to the cells and the blood, I told them secrets.

Because I am just as ugly on the inside as I am on the outside.

I am constantly in a state of confusion; towards every matter. This cloud envelops me in a daze while white noise fills my ears. I can't tell dreams from life and life from dreams. Did that really happen? Is that really the time? Everything around me is fake. This is all fake, who am I and where aren't I. Why am I so confused? 

^{Because maybe if I hold myself}

^{at this angle, in this light}

^{my past won’t radiate off my skin}
 

^{Hiding in the boot to a drive in} 

^{screening the motion picture}

^{of my affliction.}