quotelvr101

Stay single until I
10.7.2012
Run a marathon



amollyoriginal :)

I've got 3 words for you, 2012:

Bring. It. On.


amollyoriginal:)

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I wont use fancy words to trick you
I'll speak explicitly
I am in love with her
and she is too, with me.
We are of the same gender
a love to be forbidden
or at the very least
we must keep it hidden

You don't really need the details
but I think you ought to see
at least a small glimpse
of all our difficulties
Dirty looks at holding hands
my mother's horror and disgust
Never looked at as equals
always shut-up when we fuss

It's not like it's your fault
I'm not blaming you!
but understanding is in order here
it's the least that you could do
We've been put down and hurt
our relationship under constant shove
people can't seem to realize
ours is still a true, pure love.

You don't have to agree
Just consider what I say
our feelings are like yours
we just have some different ways
The outside doesn't matter
Cliche, but oh-so-true.
Why should I not love her
Just because she has boobs too??

amollyoriginal:)
commentandheart<3

Time for the ball
gussied up and ready to go
in glittery feathery masks
you are unknown
but to your lover
Dances done for all
you hide in the open
fox-trotting with your love
across the floor
Identities unknown, the dance is yours
the room is dim
covered faces waltz about you
as you mark time with only one
A torrent of bodies circles you
the room flashing
A tango of people
surround your hidden dance
in a current of secrecy.
                                    excitement
                          surprise
                                     adrenaline.
The floor seasoned
in a spicy salsa
a dance of love
between lovers unknown

Until the clock strikes twelve

Time to go home
dressed back down
in your every-day mask.

My Story 
      because everyone should tell theirs.
part VI

  My heart was growing steadily sorer as days passed without talking to Kadlec. I had lost all my faith in God, in the future. I no longer had the trust of my family. I had retreated away from all but a few friends and Kadlec continued to retreat farther away from me. My heart was in pieces. I was in a struggle for who I was and I was losing. I had nothing anymore; I had lost my friends, family, faith, trust, everything but my three truest friends and Kadlec. Even Kad had been more and more lost to me.

            On a rare night, my mother let my friend, Sara, sleep over. Sara had been one of the first people to find out about my relationship and in return her and I had become the best of friends. She has spent the summer away in China , but had been there as much as she could be through email. Kad, too, was having a friend over that night. Kathryn and she had been inseparable that summer so it was not unusual to me that they were together for another night. Sara, however, pointed out that since they were both bi, it was like Sara having sleepover with a guy. This thought had never occurred to me, but when it did, it began to bug me more and more.

A day after the sleep over Kad revealed something to me that tested the endurance I had accumulated that summer. She had kissed Kathryn. Her remorse was evident and her honesty worked in her favor. I blew off the kiss, telling myself that it was only because I wasn’t around. I told Kad that I forgave her and that we were okay, that nothing had to change between us. Still, she backed away from me. Each day I tried to talk to her, her responses were few and far between. She was suffering and I could do nothing to help her. She wouldn’t tell me what was going on, and a paranoia took over me. I started to picture her with Kathryn, hiding things from me, and no longer wanting to be with me. My heart told me not to believe this, but her silence confirmed it in my head. She spent time with Kathryn still, despite having told me it was nothing. She showed care and worry about her and other friends. Yet each day, I had to fight to even get a “good morning” or “good night” text.  I knew I hadn’t been there in person all summer, but I had been there for her.  I had fought for us. So why wasn’t I good enough now? Why could she not see how much I loved her? Why did she no longer love me in return? I knew the battle couldn’t have been for nothing, so why was I losing her?

My Story 
      because everyone should tell theirs.
part VI


 

The entire next week I was in complete turmoil. My heart ached from the stabbing words of my mother and sister, and absence of Kadlec along with my other friends. The guilt of lies still pressed an extra crushing weight on me. I tried to talk to Mandy about how alone and hated I felt. Her words of sympathy were covered with a thin coat of coolness though, and I knew she thought I deserved this for lying. I realized the hole between us was now a gulf and it would never be closed. I felt like baby because of her words, telling me I was overreacting. I knew it really wasn’t that bad, but for me, it was. For a few days, all my emotions were lost. I laughed a hallow laugh. I wanted to cry, but had no tears. I was angry at everyone and everything but without a real reason. I had no more will to fight for who I was, yet the battle continued.  My relationships were tearing apart. I lost one of my friends, my sister, and my mother. Everything inside me hurt and I spent most my day in tears.

            Soon after, I began a three week job. I was thankful for it got me out of the house, but it was mindless work and that meant I was left to daydream. I passed my days imagining picnics, movies and walks with Kadlec. I pictured parties, laughter and craziness with my friends. I lived what was supposed to be the greatest summer of high school in my mind. Each night I would text Kad. It was the only way I could remain connected to her. Our relationship was almost purely continuing through my cell phone.

            A few times in the passing weeks, I managed to break out of my sulk, suck up the courage and sneak out at night. Stealthily I would creep out my window and tip-toe around to the street. Once to the pavement I let my body do what was completely natural: I ran. Through dewy grass tickling my ankles, cutting the cold air in half, I ran beneath twinkling stars. A full mile and a half I ran away from the pain of home, straight to her arms, stopping only to dodge headlights. We would spend a few hushed hours cuddled together. She told me of all the things she was doing with her summer, all the things I spent my days picturing us doing together. I would tell her how I remained hers, how I fought every day for our relationship, despite what my family wanted from or believed about me. She too, remained devoted to me. After some time, I would make my reluctant good bye hugs and kisses and drag home exhausted and worried about getting caught. I would stumble through my window, replace the screen and sleep soundly for the few hours I had before my alarm blared another mundane day.

            When I finished my three weeks of work, my family headed out for a week of vacation. I was looking forward to the time on the beach, but not so much the time surrounded by family for seven days. It didn’t help that Kad was having her own problems with life and I couldn’t be there for her. Throughout the week I was able to let go a little and have some fun. My family and I would play games in the water and laugh at the ridiculousness of the children. However, every time I felt that things were improving, words like knives would fly out of my mother’s or sister’s mouth and stab me in the back once more. As I tried to fend off the emotional attacks, I worried constantly about Kad. Whenever I tried to text her, I would get weak responses, only a word or two at a time. I was unsure of how to help her without being with her, and I couldn’t find the words to make it better. The extra pain I felt for her rested on top of the wreckage continuously building in my heart. A week of tense, forced family time and I returned home more stressed from vacation than before.