rbethanym

Status:
Joined: January 20, 2013
Last Seen: 6 years
user id: 347181
I had this account (along with bethanyrachel) when I was younger. I used this as a journal for my journey through self-harm and depression. I am here now, a freshman in college, to tell you that there is a person who loves you and who cares for you. Hurting yourself, or killing yourself, is not the answer you are looking for. I promise. 

Reach out to me. I don't get on often, but please. I want you to know someone is here.

A little about me, because who is going to trust someone they don't know anything about?

My name is Rachel. I am almost 19, a freshman at Liberty University in Virginia. I am an interdisciplinary studies major, which is a fancy way of saying I can create a custom major that is perfect for my career path of choice. I am studying American Sign Language, developmental psychology, and family and childhood development. 

My heart is taken, by a Navy Sailor.

I really, really, really, love Jesus.

Quotes by rbethanym

so i kinda just wanted to talk to yall. it's okay if you dont read this.

i think im going to start writing letters to the future me. or maybe doing video diaries to the future me. if any of yall in recovery have done that, did/is it helping? i think itd be cool, ya know, looking back during recovery and seeing how far ive come. let me know, okay?

im trying to get caught up in school. i have like 2 weeks left and i have a ton to do. im almost done with geometry, for now anyways. i have a few things left in english but im nearly done with that. i have an essay to write in history and then i need to get caught up in this unit. then i have a few digital arts projects and a sh.t ton to do in spanish. arugh.

also, im going to be away this weekend. were going to go camping at a local campground for memorial day. im not too thrilled. sarahs going to be working all weekend and so im going to be alone with my rents. katie may come out for a day though. i wish she could stay the night but she has exams to study for so i understand. i dont really wanna be without internet for that long but i guess ill survive. i wanna try to get mostly caught up by then, but idk if that will happen.

oh! i forgot to tell yall. i got moved from art cart at childrens. i guess i wasnt ready. which, i know where theyre coming from, i was quite immature at the training. im going to another training tomorrow for clubhouse, we will see how that goes.

i think thats all for now. definitely tell me if video diaries would be something yall would be interested in.
its not that i really wanna be dead its just...
no i lied, i wanna be dead.
as the night goes on
i feel more and more lonely.
i am dreading swimsuit season.
not because i dont have a beach body.
because there is no way to cover my scars.
i dont really wanna die,
but i dont really wanna keep breathing either.
all of your guys' supporting comments on my post about what happened yesterday,
thank you guys, honestly so much.
i love each and every one of you guys.
im so shocked yall took time out of your day to comment and tell me how rude that was.
i just got home from prom and i log into witty and i have 21 notifications and i freaked.

thank you guys, i love yall ♥♥♥
one more cut never hurt anybody,
right??
I really don't see the reason of trying, or for talking,
or for breathing. I'm just done.
i showed my mom my prom dress.
she stared at it.
"well, its pretty, very pretty. but...arent you kinda ugly for it?"
thanks mom.
i dont really wanna be alive right now yall.
i have a bag of pills ive collected over the past few months.
its in my tshirt drawer. yall, itd be so easy
for me just to do it right now.
im freaking suffering.
and im scared.

 
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