scrappy

Status: holding on..
Joined: February 11, 2010
Last Seen: 1 week
user id: 101057
Alyssa. 05/11/2013 <3
If I've every truly cared about you,
I'll think about you for the rest of my life.

Quotes by scrappy

If I were to disappear and stop talking to everyone, no one would even notice. I don't get phone calls or texts from anyone. People tell me they'll call me and they never do. Even if it's just "right after we get back from lunch". I get forgotten about easily I guess. I know that I'm just one person in the entire world... one tiny speck in the entire universe, but why do I feel like I have to wander through it alone? Why doesn't someone think about me and send me messages or even memes just to tell me they were thinking about me? When someone I think is a friend is having a rough time, I ALWAYS reach out.. no matter what and try to support them any way I can. I try to make sure they know that I'm always here if they wanna talk or do whatever to get their minds off of whatever is bothering them. And when I do, they always tell me they care about me too and that they will be there for me too, but they don't. They don't reach out. They don't text just to say hi. Why don't they check in on me? I just don't understand why I've been cursed. Cursed to love, cherish, and have empathy for everyone around me, yet I'm not even a blip on anyone's radar. Am I too weird? Am I mean? Do I say the wrong things? Am I too ugly or fat? Like, I just don't understand. I really don't understand why I always feel so alone. I try and try to make friends. I try to be someone's friend. It just never works out, and at this point.. it's been so long I'm not sure it ever will work out for me. I'm not going to hurt myself; I don't have the urge to. I just want to understand. I want to see me through someone else's eyes. I want to know what is so bland and so transparent about me that I am invisibile to basically the entire world. I just want to be found.. by a group of people who check in on me, care about me, and let me know they're thinking of me. A group of people that I can actually call friends.
What is the point of my existence?
No one can stand to be around me.
I alienate myself for other people’s happiness.
Even at the expense of my own.
Makes me wonder if I was just
better off never being born.
I thought I had worth, but according to literally everyone else... I don’t. All of my boyfriends’ parents hated me and made or wanted them to break up with me. My school teachers expected nothing or the worst from me. My co-workers complain about me in general and me isolating myself, but when I try to connect they push me away. It seems like no matter what I do, I am never enough. What is wrong with me? I would give the shirt off my back for someone. I would be there for them no matter what. I would support them, even if their opinions and decisions didn’t match mine. I would fight for them, and stick up for them. I would genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings. I would do damn near anything for them; for a good friend. But I’d never get any of that back. I never have. Like everyone has apparently been trying to tell me my entire life, I just have no worth. I am disposable. I am a burden and weirdo. Why am I here ? Why was I given life when I have no one who cares enough to share it with ? What’s the point ?
It all just feels like it was a game.
You only wanted me more because
they wanted you to leave me.
Are your feelings even real?

I don't know why, but I get stuck in this loop of reading our old quotes. I guess I just like to reminisce about life back then.

I read some of the quotes and all I can do is just cry. I cry at the sad ones, and I cry at the happy ones. I wonder what

life would be like if we both tried to make it work at the same time. It seems timing was a major issue for us. But now there

is no us and that's okay. I am happy where I am now in my relationship. I think what gets me the most is all of the wild and

unfiltered emotions that we shared. Now we're strangers. We both know you hurt me, and we both know that I hurt you.

Knowing that, I am so unimaginably sorry for everything. Just know, that I was unaware of the pain that I put you through

while it was happening. At the time, I may not have cared because it was the same way you hurt me. How you pretty much

left me behind. Although, that doesn't make it any better or right. I will never not be sorry for how things went on both ends.

No matter how much I look back or replay memories, the sorrow and the guilt never gets any easier. I wish it did.

Maybe that's why I keep writing about it?
 

 
I wish we didn't reduce ourselves to being strangers again.





sick of crying,
tired of trying.

yeah i'm smiling,
but inside I'm dying. ♥

 






Hey you,
little did you know
 that I was the one that wanted to vent
~Sincerely,
Someone with no one to talk to.
 




Hello There;

I've missed you.