secret_ninja

You can bi/tch about me, fine, but you're better of doing it to my face 'cause I'll find out eventually anyway. And trust me, I'll never say anything behind your back that I'm too scared to say to your face, at least own up to saying the stuff you've said, it's just pathetic to be honest.
At least I take self harm and suicide seriously, you're sick. Joking about it the way that you do. Ugh.

I don't talk about you behind your back.
I don't give you looks.
I don't purposely follow you.
I don't look for you in a room and come close enough to hear your conversations.
I don't act friendly then talk about you afterwards.
I don't spread stuff about you.
I don't try and turn your friends against you.

So why do you do this to me? This is ridiculous. Can you stop now please?

Hello :D

(I'm lost.
I'm hopeless.
I'm in love.
I'm stupid.
I'm wishful.
I'm weird.
I'm confused.
I'm lonely.
I'm alone.
I'm misunderstood.
I'm faking a smile.
I'm pretending to be ok.
I'm finding myself.
I'm sick.
I'm twisted.
I'm dark.
I'm devilish.
I'm angelic.
I'm hiding from the world.
I'm waiting on change.
I'm stressed out.
I'm suicidal at times.
I'm a coward.
I'm hurt.
I'm in need.
I'm unloved.
I'm me.)

I'm Secret_Ninja.... :)

(I'm also going to lie to you throughout our friendship, I've got good at it. I'm not ok but you don't need to know that. The only person I rely on is myself, I don't trust you and I'm ashamed of that, but I can't help it, its started now. I'm so sorry.)

That girl.
Beautiful.
Funny.
Clever.
Kind.
Loving.
Gentle.
Skinny.
Happy.
Helpful.
Liked.
Loved.
That's me in a day dream.
That's so not me in reality.
I wish.
Y'know, maybe that's why I day dream so much. The world and life I have in my head is so much easier, its almost cope-able.

I guess I no longer fit in your puzzle, your quest to find love, maybe I fell into the wrong box, meant for a jigsaw of another heart.
I must be someone's missing piece. But I am lost and need to be found. I have to make my way back to where I belong, where ever that maybe.

Y'know what and I've said this before. I will stop bothering. I can only heal so many times before its too late to go back and I have yet another scar. Its sad but funny. You never see the cuts you bring to people. You never know how sharp your words are, they wound me though... I've been hurt before, I'm determined not to let it happen again.

Please take some time to read this... I found myself scribbling this down in class because somebody had annoyed me.

That person..
Who seems to make everything okay, and then you go back over things in your mind and its as if that person has never experienced reality.
You hate them for telling you lies, or what you think are lies because the person seems to be always happy, when they ask for help you don't respond because you hate them for painting this wonderful picture and then let it fall down, crash around you.
You're so concentrated on the hate and lack of care from this person, you shut yourself off from them.
Then the person begins to think you're ungrateful for the help and support and then they hate you. Despise you. Think you deserve what you're going through.
I'm sure they consider talking to you some times, making an effort, as do you.
But after everything, neither of you have enough courage.
You want to go back.
They want to go back.
Not going to happen.
You've built a wall you can't bring down by yourself.
And nobody is willing to help you because you were 'ungrateful'.

Walking down the road alone thinking that you look pretty awesome.
...
Then you walk into someone you know.


Happens too much :')