shewillbestrong27

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Joined: August 27, 2011
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It's hard to swin
in a world so shallow �
Hi there! My name is Ashley. I'm 17 years old and just graduated highschool. this here is my story account. i will admit that i barely use this. the story i write is pretty much based on my life. most of the major events have happened to me. i really only write when im upset so sometimes i will post many chapters at once then i will go months without postign so if you keep up with my story; i love you♥

my main account that i use all the time is; xmakesmestronger27x
 
Stay Strong, just keep going and never give up. you ARE beutiful; never forget that♥

Quotes by shewillbestrong27

SHE'S BROKEN
Chapter 4

I woke up the next morning quickly going to the bathroom before Jessie could see me. I couldn't let her see the tear stains down my face. Of course I have no worries about if she heard me or not, I have learned to cry silently. I got to my sink and looked into the mirror. I look pathetic. Jess is right, no guy will ever want me, i'm just that girl to flirt with when you're bored. No one would ever want the pathetic little Aubrie. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and put my hair into a messy bun at the top of my head. No point in trying to look acceptable, Jessie already thinks so low of me.

I walked back into my room and noticed Jess was still sleeping. I slowly backed right back out of room and headed down stairs. I found my mom asleep on the couch, glasses half on her head and book in hand. I quickly tip-toed by her into the kitchen. I sat down at my table, stareing out the window.

Did guys just see me as a flirt? Someone they would never date? Why am I that pathetic. My stupid skinny nose. The stupid "cat whiskers" that show up when I smile. My horrible hair, the frizzy wavyness. Oh and I can't forget about how fat I am. I'm just so stupid to ever think that a guy would ever want this. They would have to be stupid. Or blind...or both.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" My phone screamed rather loudly at me, interrupting my thoughts. I looked down to see a text from Adam.

"Morning Aubs. What did you need help with last night? My phone died and I just got the chance to charge it."

"morning. And it was nothing. Don't even worry about it." I replied not wanting to explain the situation to Adam, regretting that I texted him last night.

"You sure Aubrie? I know you, and you don't just text 'help' if its not important." Adam quickly replied back to my text.

"yeah i'm sure. I'd tell you if it was important. i figured out what i needed help with. i promise" I texted back, hoping to convince him so he would leave the subject be.

"Alright aubrie, whatever you say" He answered back, obviously not believing what i said but getting the hint to drop it.

Now you see I love that about Adam, he gets my hints and knows when to drop the subject. He knows when not to push me, but sometimes i wish he would, i wish he would annoy it out of me. I wish he would push past my boundaries. Just so i wouldn't have to keep all my feeling and thoughts inside, it would be a weight off my shoulder, but i would never just let it out on my own. I just don't feel comfortable i guess.

"Oh there you are Aubrie!" I heard from the doorway of my kitchen, it was Jess of course.

"Oh sorry, you were still asleep when i woke up so i came down stairs to get something to eat...never got around to it though" I replied back to the questions i knew she would ask me.

"Oh it's fine! lets make our candy pancakes! oh and Bee wants to hangout later and i told her yes, okay? okay." Jessie quickly replied.

Hanging out with Bianca and Jess, this will be one interesting day..

SHE'S BROKEN
Chapter 3
 

"So we need to help Bianca get a guy, she so deserves it. Plus she's beautiful so it will be easy to have a guy fall for her" Jessie said as we were sitting on my bed going through old yearbooks after our day at the park. You see Jess was sort of a different person when it was just me and her. It was less attention on her and back to the way we were in 6th grade. I guess when they say high school changes people, they mean it.
"Okay Jess.." I replied not even caring anymore.
"Like don't you agree with me? She really needs someone who can make her happy. Like I have Jaden, Maddie has..whatever his name is, I think it was Cody, and Alex has Kyliee, and Adam was telling me about some girl. So you see, everyone in our group is happy and with someone except for her!" Jess explained to me, as if I wasn't part of the group and would have never known.
"Not everyone is with someone and happy Jessie" I replied quickly making sure I would get my opinion in before she started talking again.
"What do you mean?" She said slightly upset and confused.
"Well if you got your head out of the clouds..not to mean Jessie, you would hear that Alex and Kyliee have been fighting lately, Adam, not talking to that girl anymore, and i'm not with someone.."
"Well Alex and Kyliee always make up, that's how their relationship is, always has been and always will be. And you know Adam will find another girl, so hes fine. And you..well, why do you need someone, you've always been fine alone, anyway back to Bianca." Jess said. I've always been fine alone... Great. I'm the girl that will always be fine alone. So everyone deserves happiness except me?
"Sure, back to Bianca.." I said in defeat, there's no reason to fight. Jess could be quite stubborn, and I just wasn't in the mood.
"Well lets see.. There is Brandon, or Tristan, he's cute but kind of a player, oh! What about Matt? He's sweet.." Jess said while going through the yearbook. While she went on I started to tune her out as thoughts flooded my head. Is that how everyone see's me? The girl that is fine with being alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind it. I'm my own person, I don't need others for happiness, but having that special guy to help pick me up while i'm down would be nice. Why does my "best friend" think I don't need anyone. Do I not deserve anyone?
"Wait..Aubrie, you are fine with being alone right?" Jess asked, interrupting my though, but finally seeming concerned with what she said about me earlier.
"Uhh..yeah, i'm fine with it.." I said hoping she would believe my lie. No point in explaining how i'm not. I wouldn't want to ruin the way she saw me or anything.
"Okay, good. So who do you think would be perfect for Bianca?" Jess replied.
"Oh, uhh, well..should Bianca decided? Why don't you pick three people and then ask her about them?" I replied hoping that she didn't notice that I wasn't paying attention.
"OMG! That's a perfect idea! I'm going to call her right now! That was just an amazing call Aubrie!" Jessie said overly excited.
"Well you're welcome. I'm going to get a water, do you want one?" I said while walking out of my room not waiting for Jess to respond. I'll just grab one for her anyway.
As I was on the way back to my room with the water bottles I heard laughing coming from my room.
"Oh no B, don't worry, any guy will fall for you. You're gorgeous, and funny, and just a great time to be around!" I heard Jess say to Bianca on the phone. "Oh, Adam? You are too good for him. It's Aubrie's fault that he doesn't like you. He just wants that cheerleader, and that's what she is. Yeah, I know, but don't worry, you'll get a guy before Aubrie. But don't tell her I said that. She's too much of a flirt to actually settle down with someone." As i heard Jess, my best friend, say this to Bianca I was ready to break down into tears. I'm being blamed for Adam liking me? All because I was a cheerleader? I'm too much of a flirt to settle down? I slid down the wall in the hallway next to my door. I took out my phone and texted Adam.
"..help.." I quickly texted to him, trying not to have a breakdown.
I took a deep breathe, stood up and opened my door with the biggest fake smile I could. I couldn't let Jess know I heard her.
"I'm back! I didn't hear if you wanted one or not so I got you a water anyway" I said to her with a tint of fake happiness in my voice.
"Oh thanks Aubrie! I was actually getting really thirsty! Oh so Bianca is on the phone! She said she might go with Matthew!" Jess said happily, like she always was. Little did she know the pain I was feeling. Nor will she ever know the pain I was feeling. I was going to smile and let her think I was happy. I would not let this friendship fall apart. I'm not losing a best friend.

SHE'S BROKEN
Chapter 2

 

I sat there and watched everyone together, laughing and having a good time, wishing I could join in. Was it me? Am I just not happy with them anymore? Or are they done with me? As questions flooded my head, I noticed Jessie and Adam having a great time without me. We were the three best friends, how could they just leave me here sitting alone? What have I done to make this happen?

"Aubrie! Get your little butt over here...now!" yelled Alex as he was on the swings with Bianca and Maddie.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" I yelled back as I stood up to make my way over to the swings. I'm not going to sit around and watch everyone have fun. I'm going to join in and make them see I am just as good as Jess is. Now if only i could believe that myself..

"Yo! Slow poke! My imaginary snail is beating you to the swings right now!" Maddie yelled to me as I was walking over. It was her stupid comments like that, that always had everyone else picking on me. Though I always knew everyone was joking, I can only take so much. It just hurt even worse when Jess would join in and make fun of me too..

"Aubrie, what is up with you today?" Alex said, interrupting my thoughts as I sat on a swing.

"What do you mean?" I replied, pretending to act confused.

"You're quiet and just not yourself..." Alex answered seeming concerned.

"Oh, I do? 'Cause nothing is wrong.."

"You sure?" Alex asked

"Yes, I am" I replied with.

As Alex went to say something else he was rudely interrupted.

"She said there was nothing wrong, so can you shut up about it now? It's not like it would be important anyway. Gosh.." Bianca said with an eye roll.

Now sadly the eye-rolling and attitude towards me from Bianca has become a regular thing. Yet me being the way I am, I just let it slide. It's not that I let her just walk all over me and stuff, I just wasn't ready to start a stupid fight. Now it wasn't my fault the guy she's in love with likes me. Not to sound like a b*tch though. I would never ever take advantage of that situation. That would just make me a horrible friends. Also, i just don't want Adam. Yeah, that's right. She is in love with Adam, but Adam wants me. I see him as almost a brother, he's just my best friends. He knows it too. It's just one big tangled mess of emotions I guess.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Jess asked me.

When did she get here? Did Adam finally bore her? Did she not get enough attention? Don't get me wrong, I love this girl as if she was my sister, but sometimes she just pushed my buttons the wrong way.

"I'm not thinking of--"

"You're thinking about a boy!" Jess yelled as interrupted me in the middle of what I was saying.

"No, I'm not Jessie," I replied back, a little annoyed.

"Then what in the world could you possibly be thinking about that's more important then a guy?" Jess asked.

"Life." I replied with. Which to my surprise, left Jess speechless. She just looked at me confused. She then quickly got up and just walked away. I guess boys are really more important to her then life.

I sat one the swings for a little while longer, coming up with the same thoughts as before. Alex is right, I'm just not myself. Maybe I'm getting sick.. This will pass. I'll be my bubbly happy self again.


*what do you guys think? feedback would be very nice. this is based on my life. and yeah i know its boring now. sorry!*
**

SHE'S BROKEN
Chapter 1

"Aubrielle! Jessica is down here waiting for you!" My mother yelled to me as I was sitting in front of my mirror getting ready.

"Jessie! Just come up to my room!" I yelled back hoping she would hear me.

As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, that horrible reflection. Too fat, way too ugly, I thought while I stared, I watched my door fly open and Jessie come running in.

"Hello there Aubrie!" Jessica sang, way to happy for me.

"Hey Jess, just give me like five more minutes and i'll be ready to go."

"You don't need five more minutes, you look beautiful, come lets goooo!" She half sang, half yelled to me.

I didn't answer her, instead i stared into the mirror wondering what she really saw. I know we don't see the same thing, this fat, ugly thing could not beautiful.

"Earth to Aubrie, c'mon, let's go! We're supposed to be meeting everyone in like 10 minutes!" She said as she grabbed my phone, opened my door and danced out of my room. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror one more time, ran my fingers through my hair, sighed and followed Jess to my front door.

"Bye Mom! I'll be back later! Text me if you need anything!" I yelled right before I closed the front door.

We started to make our way over to the park where our group of friends were waiting for us.

"And I know, We get a little crazy, And I know, We get a little loud, And I know, We're never gonna fake it, We are wild, we are free, We are more than you think, So call us freaks, but that's just the way we roll" We sang together while walking until Jess just stopped.

"Jessie, why'd you stop singing with me," I asked

"Oh, no reason.." Jessie replied with.

"Alright then," I said rather confused, but knowing not to push the subject any further or she'd get annoyed.

"Soooo...Aubrie..." Jess started to say but was cut off by the high pitched "Hello" from our friend Bianca.

"Hey B" Jess and I said at the same time then bursted out into laughter.

I watched as all of our friends came over and gave Jessie a hug, complimenting her on her outift and how good she looks, as if they were almost forgetting I was here, but then again, I was used to that.

"Oh, Hi Aubrielle," my friend Maddie said to me, walking over about to give me a hug.

"Uh..hey Maddie" I said quickly, looking down at my phone so I could try and avoid her hug. I don't want her pity. She knows how much I hate that the group will barely notice me whenever Jessie was around. Yet that never stops her from joining in. I wish one day she would just realize that I was the reason she was even in this group.

My thoughts were soon interupted by someone touching me.

"Hey Aubrie, what's wrong? You look upset," whispered the person touching me. I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. I was my best friend Adam. Althougth I didn't know Adam as long as I knew Jess, we were already as close as me and Jess were, maybe even more.

"Oh, I do? 'Cause I'm not upset and nothing is wrong," I lied.

"So you'll tell me what's wrong later then?" Adam asked, easily seeing through my lie.

"Of course," I said. Which again was a lie. I couldn;t tell Adam what was bugging me because he is not only my best friend, but he is Jessie's too.

*should i keep going? and to understand how this starts, read my first one, this is like from the beginning*

SHE'S BROKEN

 

This story here is not some fairy-tale, it is not filled with happen endings and perfect love stories. This story is real, about what really goes on in a teenagers life. This story is about a girl who seems perfect to the rest of the world but to herself, she is not. She is imperfect, she is sad, she is falling apart...she's broken. This girl, is me.

My name is Aubrielle. I'm a 16 year old girl who seems to have a relatively normal life. I have blonde hair and big blue eyes. Pretty, you say? Nope, you've thought wrong. I'm going into my senior year of high school. I am on my schools's cheerleading team, which let me guess, you think dumb now, and again, you thought wrong. Now, I am not a size zero, I'm not a super model, I am what you can say normal. And to me, that's too big. Now don't go jumping to conclusions again and think oh great, she has an eating disorder, cause I don't. Guess you can say i don't have enough self control, and that drives me crazy. I wish I had the self control to deny food. But i guess we all have wishes.

Well anyway, back in the beginning of 10th grade is when I started to fall apart. I had this group of friends you see, we were all very close. There was well me of course, my closest friends, Jessica and Adam, then there was Alex, Maddie and Bianca. Now we weren't that annoying group of friends that did every single thing together, we were just all there for each other. Don't get me wrong though, we had our fights yet we always made up. It was nothing near a "perfect friendship", yet that never mattered to us. Now this group was pretty much all I had. Then one day they were gone. They screwed me over. What they did, it just couldn't be forgotten. I made it known and they just left, and didn't care. I was crushed, confused, and scarred. Yet I learned to put my head up and move on.

I found new friends, stupidly giving them my trust. When things started to look up for me, when I was starting to feel good again, when I found the light in my sea of darkness, it happened. Again. The new group of friends I had left, they suddenly just gave up on me. What did I do to them you ask? I didn't make the same team they did, and BAM I wasn't cool enough for them anymore. They just used me until they could get other friends, and yet again I was left all alone. Scarred and entering into the darkness again.

You see, the darkness is not a good place. You feel alone, unwanted, untouchable, not important. It is truely scary. To get to the darkness is avoidable, but I couldn't stop it. I don't pay attention to myself, i care more for others then me. Sadly, once you enter the darkness, its like there is no way out.. And that's what i was starting to get to...again.

No one knew though. I'm a very good actress when it comes to hiding my feelings. No one could see how I was breaking inside. But then again, no one cared enough to look if I was okay, they just cared about their "problems". As I was on the way to my darkness, everyone was telling about how this guy didn't like them, how they fought with their mom, how their plans didn't go as they planned. Everytime they told me i fought back to say "oh well I'm sorry for you but guess what, I hate life, I hate what and who i am, want to tell me your problem again?" Yet I never said it.

I did not want to be seen as weak. I am the strong girl. I'm the one everyone can go to with their problems and I would be able to solve it. I would sit there and listen to whatever you had to say and not expect anything in return, or so they thought. I couldn't be broken in everyone's eyes. I'm the girl who can make your day when I can't even make my own. I'm the girl that can get through anything. I am strong. Well that's how everyone saw me, so why change it?