I hate this so much. This is so stupid. i
dont even hate you.... i think its ridiculous what you put me
through. but i'm not one to hold a grudge. It's just
dumb that we can walk past eachother acting as if we have never
talked before. I dont know about you but that just feels like a
stab in my heart. I'm not going to lie, i'm going to be
straight up, what you did to me hurt me alot, more than you can
even see. I'm not just saying that to make you feel bad,
i'm telling you the straight up truth right now, i was
really hurt. I blamed myself for the longest time. I thought it
was me. and being disappointed in yourself if the worst feeling
ever. I blamed myself for the person i am and thats not okay
cause i literally hated myself. I hated myself because i didnt
think i was good enough. This is what i always go through with
guys. I'm always the one who gets hurt. i cant even think
of a time i have been the person hurting someone else. I havent
even ever been in a serious relationship. Thats how much i get
lead on or played. And you can deny it all you want but jake,
you lead me on and you messed with my head. I dont think you
meant to take it this far but it did get this far. I think you
liked the fact that someone was chasing after you and you liked
the fact that you had so much control over me. You know thats
true. It just really sucks because i truly thought that it
could of worked out with you, and i believed in your lies
whenever you acted like you liked me. I have ever since
freshman year. You made me look so stupid when you told me you
didnt feel the same way, and thats something i dont think i
will ever be able to forget because it was one of the worst
feelings in the world. I had to go through the stupidest thing
ever, Getting over someone you never even dated. and it just
sucks so much. I missed you so much everyday and passing you in
the halls was so hard looking the other way acting like i didnt
care, but trust me, i did care. In fact im not going to lie, i
still miss you, i still care, it's just that i know theres
nothing i can do about it. You can deny the fact that you
played me but i truly know you lead me on and played me. I just
wish you could realize how much you hurt me. If you really
knew.... You just dont see the difference between the person
you think i am, and the person i really am. No im not here to
make you feel bad for me, i just want you to realize what you
did was wrong and messed up in so many ways. I dont know if i
will ever be able to look at you in the same ways i used to
look at you and i dont know if i will ever be able to have the
respect i used to have for you. I just want things to be normal
and i dont want things to be awkward anymore. i dont want to
hate eachother. I mean i dont know if i would ever be able to
forgive you for putting me through everything you have put my
through, but i defenitly can just accept the fact that it
already happend.
should i say this to him!? i havent talked to him in a month... i
dont know if saying this would be the right thing.... or if its
what will help me move on and get the closure i need....help
me:/