How the hell am I supposed to do this? I can't live
like this. I can't go on like this. I had the best boyfriend in
the world, and now he's gone. And it's 100 % my fault. I
just want him back. I want nothing more than to have him back. I
can't believe I just threw it all away like I did. Why
couldn't I have realized it? He was my everything. His name,
written on my hand every day. I feel like I am literally falling
apart. The fact that he has moved on and is seeing girls makes me
break. How can I just walk right past him in the hallway and not
say a word, not even any eye contact? We should be holding hands
down the hallway, walking side by side, and stealing a kiss before
class. This isn't the way it's supposed to be. I would do
anything to have my boy back. For him to love me again. It's so
hard to even put it into words, this feeling I have. Sometimes I
feel like I can't even breathe, at any mention of him and I
feel like falling to pieces. I just want to cry. Why can no one see
what is wrong with me? I hate hiding behind this fake smile. I
wonder what it feels like to smile, and have it be real. I
haven't had that feeling since we were together. Why did I have
to throw that away? He's all that I want. I can't stop
comparing him to every guy. No one understands. I'm pushing
people away because all I want is him & I hate it. I'm
still in love with him, why can't he see that? Maybe
it's a "first love" kind of thing. :(
sorry; needed to get this out.