staystrong13

Stay Strong

Chapter 4: Self Harm Day

Today was International Self Harm Day. The first of March. Which also means, my birthday. The one day I dread every year since my life went downhill. It's also, the day Acacia committed suicide. If I go to school, all the people will look at me because they know that I cut. I am scared to go to school. What will they say? Will they whisper? Will they shove me into a locker? Will Claire Hannum put nasty notes in my locker? Will my only friend actually be there to care for me? 

"Lia, time to get up for school. Come on. It's your birthday! We got you presents!" Emma said as she jumped on my bed.
"Do not, jump on my bed. Go do it on your bed!" I said as I tore the covers off of my body.

i walked downstairs and the mail was here. There was an envelope with my name listed on it. It was from Acacia's parents. I quickly opened it. It was a letter that was entitled, "Dear Lia."
 

Dear Lia,
Happy birthday! You're 16 years old today. You have grown to be such a proud lady. Your support and help with our family makes our family stronger. We know that you've been really down in the dumps since Acacia took her own life. But that's what makes us stronger. She was your guardian angel, and you were hers. I know that she misses you, too. We miss her too. We love you, you're like our second daughter. It's been 1 year since you lost your best friend, sister, but most of all, our own daughter. We love her more than ever. Thank you so much for being a HUGE support. And happy birthday, Lia. 
We kindly invite you to what have been Acacia's 16 birthday party today. 
We love, Lia. You're always welcome at our house.
Love,
Jacqueline, David, Kellen.

I never really thanked them for being a huge support for me. They're the only family I truly love.
I got to school. There was sign on my locker that read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIA! 16! Love you! Love, Gemma. 
That actually boosted my self esteem. Thanks, Gemma. Thank you for making my day happy.
Screw Self Harm. I am done. 

Stay Strong
Chapter 3: It never got better.

 

As I cut, I didn't feel any pain. I cut so much that I felt nothing. My senses went dull. The shear pain of what I first felt, felt like nothing to me now. I will usually wear bracelets of sweatshirts all the time.  I don't want anyone seeing the cuts all along my arms. 
I walked out of the bathroom and I saw myself in the mirror. Makeup running, face beat red, and not looking so swell. I went into my room and cleaned the makeup right off my face. I then saw my step- mom walk up the stairs with a basket of laundry followed by my dad right behind. 
"Lia, are you okay? You don't look too well.." My dad asked me as he looked at me, with his really puzzled look.
"I am fine, dad. Promise. Just cut my finger while cleaning the blade when I was shaving." I lied.  
I wasn't okay. I was never going to get better.
Jennifer signed me up for therapy. Yeah, therapy. Why did she do it when I told her not to? I would never know. I am not going to ask her. 

I walked downstairs only to find my little twerp of a sister sitting on the couch watching Jersey Shore. That used to be my favorite show. Now, I rarely ever watch TV. It's usually going on Tumblr or something writing about my horrible life, waiting for people to reply back saying, "DONT DO IT!" "STAY STRONG." I tell them, "No. I am never going to get better. Never in my life."

I don't ever know when or how I will get better... I might not ever get better. Because my  life is a trainwreck and it was never repaired. Died slowly inside.

Stay Strong
Chapter 2: How It All Started

 

My parents divorced when I was 12. It's been a couple of years. But that's how it all began my "troubles".
   "Why don't you ever want to go outside? Get some fresh air, Lia. You need it." My step sister, Emma says as she looks at me with disgust. Emma is 13 and she's a brat. Her friends changed her from little goody girl to little rebel and not following the rules.
   "Why don't you go chat with Colleen on Skype or something? You have no right to be in my business." I said as I tried to shoo her away.
   "That shooing method doesn't work anymore, sister. I am 13, not 11. Stop."
    "CAN'T YOU SEE I AM BUSY?!?!? GOSH, I AM A TEENAGER WHO NEEDS HER SPACE TOO, YOU KNOW!!" I said all raged and angry at Emma than ever.
   Emma ran and stomped down the stairs and I overheard her telling her mom/ my step mom, Jennifer.
    "Lia, Come downstairs! I need to talk with you!" I heard Jennifer call down to me and didn't sound too happy."
   I tredded down the stairs and didn't want to have the "Jennifer's Really Angry Mad At You" Talk... I walked into the kitchen all to find my little brother Liam sitting at the table and Emma sitting on the counter. Jennifer stood there with her arms crossed and her squinty face.
    "You're going to counseling Monday about this death. I am so sick of you taking out your feelings all on Emma. It's ridiculous!"
   "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO, JENNIFER! YOU AREN'T MY REAL MOTHER!!!!!!!!!" I ran up the stairs into the bathroom and sat in the bathtub.


      Cut number 3,210

..

Stay Strong
Chapter 1: Beginning

  Do you ever wish that you had a different life? That you never were born to existence? Ever want to run away and pretend like nothing's happening? Well, I bet a lot of teens feel the way I do. 
 

  Hi, I am Lia. My best friend, Acacia committed suicide last month. My insides scream, my outside just pretends that nothing happens. My parents suggest that I go to counseling to help with my lost. I don't want to get help. It doesn't help me to go get help about the things I need help with. 

  I stopped eating. Yes, eating. Rarely do I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, or desert. My mom forces me to, but I choose not to. Not till I get my best friend back. 

  I started slitting my wrist. Every night, after my family eats dinner. I go into the bathroom, sit in the bathtub and cut my wrists away. That's why I always wear long sleeve shirts all the time. When people ask me why I have scars, I tell them that my vicious cat, Rudy scratches me all the time. They'll believe me. 

I don't know what to do in order to get back to the normal, 15 year old girl I was 3 months ago. That's when it all started...