"do you know how many people would love
to have to gain weight?”
tell me, then,
would you love to
see your body the way I see mine?
because
there is no room for grace
and I will never be satisfied with
good enough.
every line and curve and movement
could always be better
and I don’t want to stop until I’m
enough.
would you love for
food to turn into fear,
exercise into punishment,
compliments into lies,
friends into competition?
because everything that once was logical
will be twisted around and around
until you don’t know what is real
and what is not.
would you love to
spend every morning
on the floor in tears,
surrounded by a pile of clothing?
because
nothing looks right anymore
nothing fits like it used to
and you’re scared of others
seeing you as just a body.
after all,
that’s all you ever saw in yourself.
would you love to
have every action and every thought
monitored and analyzed?
would you love to
have your one piece of comfort
stripped away?
recovery is more
than gaining weight
because I am
more than a number.