sweetiexpie

 

Super White Girl Problems #2173
You only want a
boyfriend when everyone
else has one, but you don't
even like him.

                                                                                                                                 tumblr

Try to imagine life without timekeeping. You probably can't.
You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet, all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check it's watch. Deers do not fret over passing birthdays. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.
A fear of time running out.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaning that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch." The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

This is what I saw on the witty tumblr:
smexyxlean asked: I know everyone says that you should allow picture posts on witty, but please don't. I'll stop using it if you do. People will end up posting pictures of self harm and trigger a lot people. Thanks for reading.
Steve replied with:
I’d be more worried about pictures of penises.