Cryxbaby*

So, the moral of the story is, don't fear the story, fear the story teller.

Did I make it that easy for you to walk in and out of my life? 

"If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door." -Tate. 
^^ Favortie line in that whole season. 

A shot to kill the pain 
A pill to drain the shame
A purge to stop the gain 
A cut to break the vein 
A smoke to ease the crave
A drink to win the game 
An addiction is an addiction because, 
It always hurts the same. 

Wow, okay. I can't laugh, smile, or even sleep without you. You were just a baby and I'm so, so sorry. I miss you so damn much. You didn't desereve to die, especially that way. Watching you die was the hardest, most painful thing I've ever had to do. Knowing I couldn't do anything about it is even worse. I'm so sorry for the pain you were in, I'm so sorry you had to die. I'm so sorry baby girl. I hope you aren't in pain where ever you are, I hope you're happy. I can't wait to see you again. I love you Annabelle, so much.. 

You really can't see it huh?
The way she looks at you, 
How much she adores you,
That she loves you? 

You make it seem that you feel whole,
So they don't know you're a poor unfortunate soul.

You put on a faith facade,
Think you're holy when you're not.
I hate to break it to you baby,
But you're simply lost.

I guess I thought I was doing okay again but, as it turns out, I'm not so good. I cannot make you understand, I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside of me. I can't even explain it to myself. I don't know what's happening to me anymore. My lungs are clouded with self-hatred and oh my god I can't breathe.. how do you kill the demon inside of you, without killing yourself? 

You opened me up, shared everything with me. You held my hand all the time, kissed me whenever you could. You told me you loved me. You broke me. My heart shattered and I shed tears for hours. You ripped my heart into pieces and because of you I can't sleep or eat. You made me love you, and I did.. I do. Those last words, 'take care of yourself' still run through my head over and over. You weren't even man enough to tell me in person. I hate you as much as I still love you, how does that even work? If you don't love me, as I do you; I understand because, who would really choose a daisy in a field of roses? 

So what if I cant forget you? I'll burn your name into my throat.