theWalrus

Status:
Joined: December 31, 2011
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 257595

Quotes by theWalrus

I am at that awkward age
where half my friends are engaged and having babies
and the other half are too drunk to even find their phones
12 0 theWalrus theWalrus
awkward
Two guys walk into a bar











You'd think the second one would duck
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jokes
Guys today I ate 3500 calories and lost 2 pounds 
I think satan himself has damned my stomach as the deepest pit in all of hell
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help
Reasons to date me:
1) Sometimes I'm funny
2) You'll never go hungry because I always have food
3) That's pretty much it
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letmeloveyou
Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers?





















Because they can't even
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funny
I was trying to get wifi at school
and one of the options was to connect to Billy Bob's Por n Hut. 
 
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funny
Today in the garbage
there were three pregnancy tests
next to an empty solo cup.
St. Patty strikes again.
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atleasttheywerenegative
Guys say girls are confusing but thats not really true.
All you have to do is buy me food and I will literally cut my heart out
 and give it to you if thats what you want
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amidoingitwrong
"What's the difference between a knife and a Cadillac?"




































"I don't have a Cadillac in my pocket. Get in the van."
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damn
Things I look for in a soulmate:
1) He has to be taller than me
2) You have to be able to match me in an eating contest
3) That's pretty much it
5 0 theWalrus theWalrus
becausefoodiseverything
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