Why I'll be the best parent ever:
When my teeneage child tells me that I'm the worst parent
ever I'm going to respond with, "I'm glad you think
that. Your father and I are getting a divorce and I'm giving
him full custody of you." Then they'll freak out and
I'll be like, "Nah I'm just kidding." Then
they'll get all mad and I'll just be like, "Good,
now you know to appreciate what you have. Like me." And
again, my husband will just be there like, "Oh my
God."