Honestly this isn't worth it. This is just a black hole in the road of life. It will get better it just takes time and you have to wait. People are people eventually it'll all come back to them and bite em in the butt. You have to stay strong through this all because it's not worth it youll be ending something amazing called your life you might not think its amazing now but it will be. All us witty people care for you we don't want you to make a permanent change to a temporary one. Keep your head up. Itll be okay. Trust me.
Keep your head up beautiful, its going to be okay i promise. he is in a better place now looking down on you and wishing you would smile<3 He will always be with you. i know its hard to understand and if i were you i would be doing the exact same thing i cant imagine to be you right now just try to stay strong and smile. i will be praying for you and if you need anything im here :)
Yeah don't be nervous, just be yourself and let the night flow don't rush into anything just enjoy your time with him and have fun. the kiss part will happen naturally its not as bad as it seems i promise your nerves will most likely disaapear after a few minutes. good luck and have fun! :)