whatdoidoo

She did not want to move, or to speak.
She wanted to rest, to lean, to dream.
She felt very tired.
– Virginia Woolf, The Years

 

a knife constantly lodged in my heart, creating this restlessness. i turn to the ones who love me and beg for their grip on the handle of this unforgiving weapon. they tug and tug, but to no avail the knife sits still. i will sit and wait to cross someone who can pull the knife out. when will i realize that i am the only one who can do it?
 

 

anyone else falling into a crippling depression and losing their sense of self because of indecision and fear of the unknown lmfao

i don't know if i made the right decision
how can you know

what would happen if we officially break up? should i have mentioned it at all?
should i have done it today instead of suggesting we separate?
who am i without you? what is life like?
does it feel better to suffer some while dating you than suffering while i am alone? could i make it?
why do i gravitate towards you, but then try to run away as i approach? is this what addiction is?
maybe it's good that we're taking time alone now. maybe. i have no f*cking idea.
i don't know what the hell i'm doing.

if we break up: i'll miss going to oyur house to play video games. i'll miss you getting excited about dogs. i'll miss your dogs. i'll miss your sweetness towards me. i'll miss your gentleness- a gentle i don't know i'll be able to find again. i'll miss your understanding. htat maybe most of all, next to the gentle and the sweet. i'll miss your adorable compliments, lifting my confidence up. i'll miss you... so why do i want to leave you?

damn am i lost !!!!!
what the hell is going on