wilkil4shoes

Status:
Joined: January 7, 2011
Last Seen: 9 years
user id: 144847

Quotes by wilkil4shoes

There are these little voices in my head. I used to be able to ignore them and just go about my day. But for almost a year, they have been LOUD. It's all I hear. They are extremely negative and say mean things. One voice calls me fat. Another calls me dumb. Another tells me I'm ugly and I'll never look like that girl. One tells me I'll never be good enough for anyone or anything. But I also have voices outside telling me things too. My family. I have my family who berats me for not being athletic and gets straight A's. My mom trys to be encouraging, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't want to listen. She doesn't want to hear that I'm sad...or depressed maybe. She probably wouldn't like hearing those words. Her daughter...depressed. Lately I've been acting out a little bit. The reason is, I'm tired of being ignored. Everyone just thinks I'm ridiculous. But I don't want to make my mom upset with me at the same time. She already been pretty upset for a while. For a little more than a year my dad has had to live in a different state for work. He comes home every other weekend or so. I guess you could say he had an affair...I don't know what to call it. I came home to my mom crying. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong so I didn't ask anymore, but I was still suspicious. I heard her on the phone crying and talking about her and my dad getting a divorce. I started crying. My parents and divorce just didn't belong in the same sentence. They loved each other. Always holding hands and hugging. I immediately called my two bestfriends Nikki and Sarah. I didn't know what to do. Then when my mom went out, I remembered her reading something in an envelope. I went downstairs and though I probably shouldn't have, read them. They were emails the woman my dad...whatever with...sent to my mom. They weren't dirty or anything, just things that my dad shouldn't have said to any woman but my mom. I overheard my mom again on the phone saying she wasn't what my dad wanted and how disappointed she was with him. I was disappointed in my dad too. My dad then drove 8 hours to talk to my mom. He wanted to work it out. My brother overheard my mom  too and he had a breakdown at school the next day. He said he was "sick". My parents told me what happened, but I didn't admit I overheard either. They ended working it out and are still together. The reason why I told you this was because I don't want my mom to be disappointed in me too. She was already disappointed in my dad...I don't want her to be disappointed in me too. So I don't tell her anything. I don't tell her how I feel. Normally I vent to my friends...but lately I don't like doing that either. I don't want to bring them down. So I keep everything to myself. I hate talking about my feeling and expressing myself. I'm shy and keep to myself. I'm uncomfortable and don't really open up to people. It's hard for me. 

if you took all that time to read that...thank you. It really means a lot.

 One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.




I'm gonna get through this, one way or another.

~

------------------------
I applaud those girls

who have enough confidence

to go anywhere without any makeup on
 
------------
------------

 Someday I hope somebody loves me




Just as much as I love them

~





I just wishthat we  could be given a map about who we are and where we're supposed to find them 


 

 

It's time to show the real me.


But where is she?

~


I freak out
When a quote has a spelling error♥

 


That one girl
That's not ugly but her personality just makes her seem hideous♥

 




------------------------

~My list~
1.) My body- I want to slim down, but not be grossly skinny. I want to be healthier and in a weight range of 115-120
2.) Be more athletic- Hopefully by exercising it will help me find what I love
3.) Stop worrying about boys. Their dumb. Just wait until they become men.
4.) Find out what I like and not what everyone likes. Next time I go shopping with my mom, point out things I like.
5.) Who cares about being popular. Half of those girls don't even like their "friends"
6.) I'm going to do things for myself and be myself
7.) Limit myself to 2 hours a day on the computer on the weekdays, and 3 hours a day on the weekends.
8.) Really focus on school
9.) Get a job
10.) And the most important thing... Accept, Embrace, and Love everything, everyone, and myself.

------------------------