I can’t do this anymore. If it’s not one thing
it’s another. Every time I get 2 steps forward in a
good direction, somethings happens and i get pushed 5 steps
back. When I wake up all I want to do is crawl back under
the sheets, curl up into and cry until I’m completely
numb. But I can’t I have to get up and plaster on a
fake smile, hoping that people don’t ask about the
long sleeves, because if they do I think I might just break
down and cry. i don’t want to pretend anymore!
I’m not okay, I hate my life, my body, my
personality, hell I even hate my voice. The urges to cut my
skin are sickening. All day everyday I sit in front of my
computer and not feel anything because I cried my self to
sleep the night before. I tell everyone I meet that they
are amazing and special and have so much potential, because
they do, but I look at my self in the mirror and see
absolute disappointment, shame, and disgust. Nothing I do
is ever good enough. My hair is never perfect. My weight is
always to much. Forget about my makeup, it ends up smearing
down my face by the end of the day anyway…
I’m just ready to end it all, good night and
goodbye.