woahitskco

Safe and Sound

"Hey what's wrong Sage?" He can't stand to see me sad.
Yet I sit here, shotgun, in his passenger seat, with nothing but pain swimming in my deep brown eyes after the most amazing night i have ever had with my boyfriend, Andy.
"Andy, hey listen, I think things have changed"
"Tell me about it, god things can never stay the same," Andy says with a sigh
ugh he makes this so much more harder
"No, I mean, we have changed. Well, my feelings have changed"
Tears are streaming down my face. I can't even bare to look at him. 
" Sage, come on now, what is all this?"
"I just can't be with you anymore, Andy. I'm sorry."
"After that amazig night we just had? Did you just decide this?"
"N-no, I've been feeling this way"
"So we went on this date so you can mock me? Is that it? Or was it a pity date, Sage? I'd love to know!" He's yelling now.
"I don't know."
I pause
"It's just complicated"
"Complicated? Good excuse. So these 2 years just end in bullshit"
I can't even cough up the courage to talk. 
The rest of the drive home was in silence. The type of silence that hurt so deep that you just can't get yourself to stop crying. 
As we pull up into my driveway, I open the door, walk out, and turn around.
I looked at his face for the first time since we got in the car.
"I'm so sorry" I say in a whisper, still crying.
He closes his eyes, as if he were trying to think of something to say.
But instead, he opened his eyes and turned his car back into reverse.
I close the door and cough up, "Goodbye, Andy."
I love you.

I didn't mean to hurt him, at all. It's just, these dreams I've been having, every single dream i have had for the past 3 months has been the same. I see Andy, pain in his eyes, looking at me through an open door. When i go closer, i see him holding a locket, he opens it to show me, but then starts getting farther and farther away. But I wake up right before I get close enough to see the inside. A year ago , 5 months after I started dating Andy, my dad went missing in the war. A couple days later, he was announced dead. The officers said that the body was in no condition to be brought back here for a proper funeral, and my heart broken mom didn't question it. Although no one knows, i have always had that gut feeling that my dad's alive, I just don't know who to tell, or how to find out.

When the dreams started, I knew the locket was connected to my dad. But I didn't know how to confront Andy, only because it's a dream. How can Andy actually have the locket? I couldn't give him my love the way he gave me his after the first night of the dream. I couldn't bare to hurt him any longer, so i had to end it.  But i do love him, more than anything.
 

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