wordsofagirl

We wrote back-and-forth for days, sometimes sitting for a few hours by our windows.
Everyday however, when he went to school, were the dullest moments of my day.
My mom made me drop out shortly after I began treatment, about five months ago.
I told Julie that I was being homes chooled.
I suppose my mom thought I would do more tings with the time I have left.
The day she sent in the papers to get me out of school I knew that she had no more hope.
I've been shut up in my room ever since, reading book after book and spending hours online or writing down things that I'll never do, but I secretly wish I could.
So today, I looked out my window to Peter's empty room and I wanted something better than my same room and same everything.
It was strange to me that I could already feel so attached to him even though when he left his room and he left his notebook on his bed to go to school he'd be forgetting me and leaving me behind for some amazing life in public school.
For some reason that angered me even more.
That he and Julie could have such normal lives while I sat in my room and died from the inside out, Leukemia killing me slowly.
I walked over to my door and opened it, then walking down my stairs and out the front door.
I walked past the old Volkswagen my mom bought me and started running down the street.
I didn't stop running when my lungs heaved and my muscles cramped and I didn't stop running when tears were running down my face or when my breath was barely coming out.
I didn't stop running when there were black spots in my vision or when I felt a thin line of blood running down from my nose.
I only stopped running when I felt myself hit the ground and my vision went black.
 

- One Week Later -
I looked out of my window at the boy next door, he was sitting on his bed, facing me but his head down and his hands on the back of his neck.
He was wearing a blue t-shirt with black sweatpants with the name of a school on them.
In that moment, I did something courageous.
I took out my notebook from under my mattress and flipped to an empty page,
I wrote 'hi' in large letters with a black marker and held it up to the window, hoping this boy would look up.
I sat like that for a minute, getting impatient.
Right when I was about to put the notebook back down on my lap, he looked up, right at me then at the notebook I was holding against the window.
Our houses were a maximum of ten feet apart.
He smiled and stood up, walking away and out of my view.
I frowned, looking down at my notebook which was now in my lap.
A bit later I looked up.
The boy about my age sat on his bed facing me, holding a notebook up to the window with the word 'hello' on it in a blue marker.
I beamed, flipping a page on my notebook and writing 'my name's Eros' on it, holding it up for him to see.
He read it and wrote something on his paper, holding it up.
It read 'I'm Peter'.
I wrote back 'is your last name Parker, like Spier-Man?'
I held it up with a smile, he looked at it and laughed nodding but not writing anything.
My eyes widened. 'Seriously?' I wrote back.
'Yes'.
I wrote back 'I can't tell if that's unfortunate or fortunate' and held the notebook up, when I did however, he wasn't there.
I frowned at the window then at my notebook.
I ripped out the piece of paper and stuck a piece of tape to it, sticking it to the window so he could see.
 

"Mom, I'm going to go to the movies with Julie." I hollered before opening the front door.
"Don't even think about it Eros!" She yelled from the kitchen.
I stopped and heard her walk down the hall to the front door where she stopped, a damp rag in her hand.
"Remember what happened last time you were out? I'm not going to let that happen again." She said.
I knew what she was referring to.
Last week, I went out to the mall with Julie and after only thirty minutes I fainted.
"It's not going to happen again, mom." I groaned, annoyed with her opinion.
She gave me a look like she was never going to give in.
"You can't just keep me cooped up here!" I yelled, my blood boiling inside of me.
"Eros, you're sick! Practically every time you go out of the house I get a call from the hospital," she whimpered. "Do you have any idea what that's like?!"
"Mom--"
"It's terrifying, Eros." For once in my life I saw my mother as broken.
She'd always been so put together and strong, but her eyes at this moment showed a weakness.
I was still angry, I didn't understand how she felt at all.
"Keeping me inside is not going to make me better." I muttered before walking past her and up the stairs to my room.
I heard her sigh at the bottom of the stairs.
My blood pulsed hot through my veins and I felt bile rise in my throat when I got into my room and closed the door behind me.
I groaned and emptied the contents in my stomach in the toilet, brushing my teeth a minute later.
I texted Julie to tell her that I couldn't come over.
I looked out my bedroom window at the house next to mine, there was a window directly across from mine and a boy standing in the middle of what looked to be an empty bedroom, no bed, nightstand, or furniture.
I also noticed a moving truck in the front of that house, an older woman standing by the end holding a small cardboard box and a man around her age carrying a box into the house, where I couldn't see.
I looked back at the boy standing in the room, he was looking around, at the floor maybe.
A second later he looked at me.
My eyes widened and I smiled but looked down at my lap, ashamed.
I looked up a moment later to find him looking at something behind him, then leaving the room.
I knew one thing as I crawled into bed that night, I was intrigued by this in the window.
 

The music around me beat loudly, shaking me to the bone.
My best friend Julie sat next to me in the drivers seat with tears streaming down her face and her knuckles white on the steering wheel.
I leaned my head back on the headrest, closed my eyes and waited for her to pull over and turn the music down.
Another fifteen minutes later, she did.
When she'd asked me to come over, her voice sounding shaky over the phone, I didn't question it because that was an unspoken rule for us, we were always there for each other, even if we didn't know what for yet.
So, when she pulled over on the gravel road, with tears still running widely down her face and her short hair sticking to her cheeks, I looked her in the eyes with concern and spoke quietly, "Julie," I said.
"Eros... I-- f-ck." Julie pressed her forehead against the steering wheel, unable to speak and her hands still on the wheel.
I could see her squeeze her eyes shut before opening them and breathing in through her mouth.
"Your mom told me about the cancer," she finally spoke, her voice was course.
My stomach dropped and so did my eyes.
"I'm so sorry you had to find out like that, Julie," I said to her, looking up at my best friend.
I didn't know if she would understand how sorry I was or even if I was sorry, all I knew was that I couldn't believe that I'd kept if from her for over two months and how much i regretted it.
She smiled sorrily at me and I knew instantly she did understand and forgive me.
"I'm always here for you, Eros," she said. "No matter what sh-t you're going through, I'll be here to get you through it."
 

"Why would you say that?!" Michael looked at me confused as we walked out of Wendy's after my shift was over.

"I don't know... I'm sorry." I frowned. "I just thought it would, you know, make Brandon stay back for a while."

Michael sighed.

"I could tell him the truth tomorrow, it's alright." I lied, it wasn't really alright with me. The chance of Brandon leaving me alone was amazing.

"No, no. You're right." He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, rubbing my arm.

"I'll see you later, Ali!" He hollered when we separated ways to get to our cars.

"Bye!" I yelled back.

----

"I'll be assigning your partners," my health teacher spoke loudly to the class, clicking a few things on her laptop then proceeding to cal out names in pairs. "Grace and Brynn." I heard a girl giggle and I looked over at the pair who seemed happy to be assigned together. "Holly and Emily." She continued to call out names. "Alison and Cory." I inwardly groaned in aggravation as Cory made his way past talking partners to my desk and sat in the one in front of me, turning his body around to face me.

"Did you ever get your phone fixed?" Cory said immediately, looking sorrily at me.

"Uh.. yeah." I lied, smiling briefly.

"What, uh-- what should we do our project on?" He asked, his eyes wandering around the room and avoiding eye contact with me, probably because of some lie his girlfriend Hope told him.

"Isn't she assigning them?" I asked.

"Oh! Right." He smiled, showing his perfectly straight and white teeth.

A minute later Mrs. Obel walked over to us with her hand in a plastic container that had slips of paper in it. "Your topic is... depression." She set the slip of paper on my desk and left us to discuss how we will present.

 

"Hi, Alison!" I heard a greeting chirped cheerfully from behind the counter.

"Hi," I choked out to Brandon, who looked like he'd had about five coffees and and energy bar.

"Why so gloomy?" He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and didn't answer but didn't answer him. Instead, I walked over to the windows and sat down, putting on the gaudy head-set and spoke as energetic as I could, "hi, welcome to Wendy's, how can I help you?"

Time passed and then came my thirty minute break.

"Ali!" I heard my name from in front of the counter as I sat in the break room with my feet up on the circular table. Michael stood outside, seeing me through the square glass window in the door. I motioned for him to come in with a smile and picked at my nails some more.

"Hey!" I beamed. "God, I haven't seen you in forever."

Michael laughed and sat in the chair across from the table. "How's that school? Still sucks, right?"

"After two weeks, I expected to be at least a little bit used to her b-tchiness... but nope, not used to it." I pouted.

"What about that guy that bumped into you?" He asked, his eyes flickering up from his lap where his hands sat.

"Cory? He's said 'hi' like once or twice, but I haven't gotten my screen fixed." I pulled my phone out of my pocket and set it on the table.

"Damn, that sucks." Michael chuckled once. We were silent for a minute and I went on picking my grubby nails. "Has Soph--"

The door swung open and in walked Brandon chewing a piece of gum. "Who's this?" He motioned to Michael.

"I'm Michael," Michael smiled up at Brandon who looked down at him.

"Brandon." He answered simply.

Michael's face darkened at realization that this was the Brandon who I came crying to his apartment about. He looked at Brandon with something resembling a glare.

"Well... hi, Michael." He nodded towards him. "Sup, babe?" He looked at me and winked wickedly. I scoffed and focused on my nails more intently.

"Dude, lay off." Michael muttered defensively. My brow furrowed and I looked up at Michael who was starring at Brandon.

"What are you? Her boyfriend? Jesus..." Brandon replied, annoyed.

We were silent for a moment before I answered for him. "Yeah... he is." I lied easily and smiled at Michael whose eyes were wide.

 

"What is it? What's wrong?" Michael asked after a long and comforting hug. I took a step back from him and took a few deep breaths.

"I think I want Sophia here too." I said quietly.

"Alright, I'll call her." He muttered, a little disappointment visible on his face. Sophia coming over meant he'd have to make sure that all his dishes were done and orangize the few pillows on his couch a certain way so she wouldn't freak out.

So an hour later after a bit of straightening of his apartment, Sophia arrived.

"That pillow's in the wrong spot. God Michael!" She muttered sharply. Sophia noticed my swollen eyes and frowned. "Michael told me there was something wrong."

"Brandon's back. And he's working where I work." I knew it didn't sound like a huge deal and I knew it probably wasn't, but I also knew they wouldn't judge how I felt about Brandon moving back.

Before I knew it, Sophia had enveloped me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled to my neck, her voice a little by my yellow scarf.

I looked past her to Michael who had a worried look on his face with his lower lip tucked in a little at one side and his eyebrows squished together, mostly because he didn't know who Brandon was to me. "Where is it you work?" Michael questioned.

Sophia then broke off from the hug and stood next to Michael. "Yeah," she chimed in.

"Wendy's." I answered, a little confused.

"How about we stop by every once and a while? To make sure you're like... okay." He gave a half smile and I nodded.

"I can't stop over on Wednesdays, Fridays, or Saturdays though." She gave me a sorry look. "Volleyball and therapy."

"That's okay," I smiled, "you guys don't have to if you can't."

"I'll be there as much as I can." Michael reassured.

"Thank you." I mouthed because I didn't feel like talking.

Two hours later Sophia got up to leave, hugging me another time and giving Michael a few tips on how to make sure that his glass cups don't get the white marks she's annoyed with.

"I think I'm going to go as well." I smiled at Michael and gave him an appreciative hug.

"Alright, by Ali." He smiled.

I walked out the door and took a few steps before the door opened again and Michael popped his head out frowning.

"Are you, uh... ever going to tell me what happened?" He asked.

"Probably soon. Not tonight though, I should get home." I answered, turning back around and heading home.