when i say that
i dislike myself,
people usually assume
i'm talking about my appearance. i mean, the compliments on
my hair and my flat stomach are uplifting and i very much
appreciate them. but i feel like no one acknowledges me and who
i really am, and that's what gets me. i dislike myself when
i study hard for a class only to receive Cs and Ds whereas my
classmates can barely open a book and receive an A. i am still
not happy about my difficulty with connecting with others. i am
tired of not even fitting in with the outcasts. i dislike
myself when my anxiety takes a hold of me to the point where i
can't even defend myself. i appreciate the people who try
to make me feel better, i really do. and of course,
i know
i shouldn't use
others
people's opinions
of me
to determine
my own
opinion
of myself.
but often times they do not understand that i am fighting this
battle with my brain, my soul; not necessarily the construct of
flesh and bones i was placed into. this is why it hurts to
always feel so different, so alone that you feel like no one is
on your side. i just wish that someone could actually know the
real me and appreciate
it.