With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Thirty
Two
Addison
I went home. Layed on my bed. Cried.
It's what he wanted, I kept reminding myself.
It's what is best for Troy.
But it still hurt.
Even though I thought my last boyfriend,
of many years ago,
was the love of my life,
I was wrong.
It's was Troy.
It is Troy.
I curled up into a ball on my bed, tucked under all my blankets,
cried.
Anthony came into my room, didn't say anything, just wrapped
his arms around me and held me.
And we stayed like that for a while.
He stood up and left the room, told me he was getting a drink of
water.
When he came back he told me someone wanted to see me.
"I don't want to see anyone. Even Jenna, tell her
sorry."
"I would," Anthony said "If it was Jenna who was
waiting in the hallway."
Troy stepped into my room, Anthony closed the door.
"After you left, no. Before that...the moment after, I said
that you're not want I want I knew I was wrong. Lying to you,
and myself. But I let you walk away. And I shouldn't have,
not again. What I'm trying to say, or to ask is that
you'll forgive me for playing this stupid mind
games"
We stood looking at each other for a few moments,
"Troy Porter, who would I be to let you break up with
me?"
He smiled. Kissed me.
Everything was right again.
It would stay that way.
I knew it would.
"It's been a long road Addison Moore. Want to keep
going?"
************
Troy came back to school, no one asked why he was gone, and no
one knew.
We walked through the hall like no one else was there, his arm
around my shoulders,
taking in each day one at a time.
Every now and then we'd think of what the future held for
us.
But for now we were us.
The best we'd ever be,
The most Addison I'd ever be.
The most Troy he'd ever be.
The most us we'd ever be.
And if I learned anything from this year, it would be the
greatest lesson I learned.
That a few friends of mine taught me.
It's that no matter how hard you try to stop
it,
With time,
you will fall in love.
The End.
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
Continue a
Series??
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Thirty
One
Troy
I still don't know what's going to
happen with Addie and I.
I can't bare the thought of living without her. I can't
even think about living with her though.
We're
going to the park today to talk about it. I am terrified of what
happens next.
"I'll be there in ten minutes" I told Addison when
she called. She sounded nervous. Glad I wasn't the only
one.
We said hi, awkwardly to one another, we
didn't know what was coming.
"I guess I'll start by saying that I love you, Troy...
and I want what you want."
"It isn't that I just want you Addie, it's that I
need you. But I can't be with you."
She shook her head, "How can you say something like that? We
can be together and we will be."
"What if I screw up again"
"We can work it out. It isn't your fault Troy."
Addie was right.
"I don't, I don't want to think like this-" I
started to say
"Then don't!"
"I have to." I held her hands in mine. "What if
things get serious, really serious. More than they are now, and
we split up because of college or for whatever reason. I
can't get any closer to you then I am now because I
wouldn't be able to live with myself after that"
"So you're going to live your whole life alone?
That's no way to live. You can't avoid any good thing
that comes your way! Just make sure there is enough good in your
life to balance out the bad. And don't be scared of tomorrow.
Because we have today." I could tell Addie was getting
upset.
"I thought you said you wanted what I
wanted."
We looked into each others eyes for a moment
"This isn't what you want"
She was right again
"You don't know what I want..."
"Yes I do Troy! It's me. I
know you want me because you told me. You want to have a good
life, where you don't have to worry about being sad again but
why ruin a good thing? Sure we don't know how long we will
last, maybe another month, maybe the rest of our insane lives but
why not be happy right now? Troy Porter I love you. And I could
never just forget about you... You said I changed your life, you
changed my life too. If we broke up, you wouldn't be the only
one who would be having a tough time. Troy I need you, like you
need me. So let's stay together okay? Lets keep staying
together because it's what I want, and I'm sure its what
you want too."
I kissed her gently on the lips,
"Addie that's not what I want."
And we went our seperate ways.
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter
Thirty
Addison
*3 months later*
Troy is getting out of the hospital today. I
don't care what his letter said. I'm going to see him
tonight. And if he doesn't want to see me, then he will say
it to my face.
"Ryan
please bring him to the seawall tonight. Please"
He agreed.
It was set.
I'd see Troy tonight.
*****
I saw him sitting, facing the ocean. All by himself. My heart
lept out of my chest.
"We wind up kissing the wrong people goodnight
huh?"
He turned around slowly, his chest moving up and down
gracefully.
He stood up, one slow step at a time walking toward me. Hands in
his jean pockets, shoulders up at his neck, his neck and head up
at the sky, biting his lip, a smile gracing upon his face, and
tears filling in his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" His deep, raspy voice went
through me.
"I could ask you the same thing."
He chest was pressed against mine, he moved his arms around my
waist, leaning down, kissing me with everything he had. Picking
me up and holding me tight.
"You
thought you weren't good enough for me?"
"I'm not."
I kissed him again, "Goodnight."
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Nine
Addison
Ryan was in with Troy for quiet some time and
I was getting jealous to be honest.
He came out with a stack of paper and handed it to me.
"Go read these"
I stood up promptly and ran outside. The cold air hitting my warm
body like a brick. It was painful.
I was certain the letters would be worse.
Addison.
You're right. I love you. I love you so much.
But I am, and will never be good enough for you.
Too many people wind up kissing the wrong person goodnight
and I
don't want that for you. I suppose starting this series
of notes to you, with I love you was one of my worst ideas and
I'm not playing games but I've hid enough from you
already. I think you are a wonderful person and I should have
told you what was wrong a while ago. But I'm a stupid 17 year
old boy. And since I don't think I'll be able to see you
in person again I will explain whats wrong. Through these
notes.
Here goes nothing;
It started when my mom left. She couldn't take the wrath of
my dad anymore so she left. But she forgot something, me. So I
had to fend for myself against my dad. I was 6.
My dad is a cruel man Addie.
Think of all the bad things you can. I can assure you he's
done 98% of them.
I was in 2nd grade when my teacher thought I was too dark
for a, well a 2nd grader so she had me go to the school therapist
who said I needed to see a professional. My dad wouldn't take
me so Ryan's parents did. And they diagnosed me with
clinical depression. And I had my good and bad days. When I was
in the hosptial for the first time I met a boy named Thomas. He
was the 'kid I knew' that told me about how the Color
Black is everything, remember? I guess I was a dark kid. He was
also the kid who told me that saying 'too' ends the love.
Or the 'I'll miss you'. He was like a big brother to
me. He k*lled himself. And I got worse.
That's why I quit football.
My last game wasn't bad though. I saw you that night.
But I was in too much pain Addison. After months I also tried.
Tried. I went away, away being... well the same place I am right
now. And I got better.
I started hanging out with Ryan more and it got my mind off
things.
I wasn't sad for a minute after I met you this summer. You
changed my life.
Maybe you saved it. I don't know.
That night I stayed at your house I didn't fight with my dad
about gas. My dad was dr*unk and called me a su*cidal ba*stard. I
haven't talked to him since. I didn't want to die, I just
didn't want to be unhappy anymore.
The thing is, I'll never be happy forever. I'll always
need medication and if I don't have it I'll freak out
like I did the other night and I can't do that to you. What
if we had a kid, what if I ended up like my dad.
And I don't want you to live like your mom. I want to be
there but I know I won't always be able to.
I'm sorry. I wish I could change that because I love you. And
I will always love you Addison.
I think it's for the best that we don't see each other
again.
I won't be going back to school this year, and next year
I'll go to another school. Then it's college and the rest
of our lives. It won't be that bad. And sooner or later
you'll forget about me.
Maybe you'll think about me everynow and then, don't
worry though. I'll probably be with Ryan, scoring hot
babes.
I love you Addison Moore.
~Troy
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Eight
*Last wast 27, I'm not perfect ok*
Ryan
It's been pretty hard these past couple of
days without Troy. When he was busy with Addison at least I could
still get a hold of him every now and then, and I knew he was
okay.
I don't know what goes on behind the doors of the hospital
but I hope he's okay.
The school called my mom, who called me, who called the school. I
told them that Addison and I may not be present for a few days
for emergencies. The only reason they let it slid is because my
aunt works in the attendence office.
Our work was brought in Wednesday night. Addison and I finished
it in one night the Cafeteria for visitors. It's all we had
to do in that place.
Her and I got pretty close in those couple of days.
"Ryan, Addison, Troy is ready for visitors now. If you would
follow me."
Addison and I looked at each other, both a little nervous, both
exhausted.
The nurse knocked on the door and I heard his fraile voice
"Yeah"
I walked in first, Troy stood up slowly and hugged me, and
continued to hug me.
At least until he noticed Addison. His grip loosened and I could
feel him pull away, stepping to my side then freezing where he
was.
"Tro-" She started to say, she was happy.
But he cut her off "You shouldn't be here. In fact you
need to go."
I spun around and mouthed that it was okay, and not to
worry.
At that moment she looked defeated. And she sulked back to the
waiting room. I knew she wouldn't leave.
"Why'd you kick her out"
"Why did she come."
"She cares about you Troy. Is that bad?" I was getting
agitated.
Though I couldn't get to mad, he was under lots of stress
"I'm not good enough for her Ryan. I never will be. I
wrote these down for Addison. Give them to her. And don't
read them"
I nodded, we sat down.
"Whats going on buddy, how are you doing?" I asked
"Better I guess. I've been sitting... talking... mostly
sitting. Thinking. They're changing my medicine to see whats
best so they need to moniter me. And you know how fun that is?
It's like going to Six Flags. But better"
I laughed because it was good to see him joking around.
"Does my dad even know I'm here?"
I bit my tongue. I hadn't even told his dad, and his dad
never called. "Don't worry about that guy Troy"
"Ryan tell me. You can't hide upsetting things from me
forever"
"Aw why not?" We both laughed, I shook my head, "I
don't think so bro'."
He got angry, clenching his fists and punching under the table,
hitting the air.
"It'll be okay."
"What if it isn't Ryan?"
"It will be"
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Six
Addison
I can't believe I barely knew anything
about Troy. It hurt me that he wouldn't tell me either, but I
suppose that's what depression does to some people. Shields
them from opening up. I wish that he would have opened up to me
though. I wish I could have helped him, how couldv'e I? I had
no idea that he was even sick. Troy puts up this strong front,
but thats all it is. A front.
He puts it up for everyone. And everyone in the school, aside
from Ryan thinks he's this all star, hot shot, perfect 17
year old boy but in reality he's having a lot harder time
than any of us knew.
How much does any of us know about anyone honestly. Everyone is
hiding secrets. Do we even know everything about ourselves? When
we're sick we go to the doctor, we don't know whats wrong
with us. Ourselves.
When something
is wrong we go to a therapist, or a friend to help us. Because we
can't help ourselves.
"Here, I
got you coffee" Ryan said as he handed me the hot cup.
"Was it comfy in that chair all night?"
"Oh, It was
great. I can't wait to do it again" Ryan laughed at my
sarcasm.
"Are you
sure you don't want to go home, you can spend the night at my
house I live closer by here than you."
I
thanked him and told him I was going to stay. He told me it could
be weeks but that didn't change my mind.
"You love
him, don't you?" Ryan sat next to me.
"Of
course."
He
put his hand over mine "And whatever he said the other
night, I'm sure he didn't mean it."
"I hope
not."
I
felt so sad in the short time that I had been without
Troy.
It
almost made me feel bad about ignoring Jenna for so long.
"I think I'm going to get some air for a little
while, but I'll be back later"
Ryan
nodded his head, looking pleased that I was getting out for a
bit. "Do you need me to drive you
somewhere?"
"No
it's okay"
I
called Jenna, we agreed to meet at a cafe down the road from
where I was, and that she could drive herself to.
I sat
down at a table facing away from the door, waiting.
"Addison?"
I heard Jenna speaking softly. I stood up, turned around, looking
her in the eyes, she opened her arms expecting a hug but I sat
down. She did too.
"Why
Anthony." I asked flat out
"I said
no"
"So he
r**ed you?"
"No... I
said no at first, but Addie I'm sorry! I couldn't stop
myself from starting to like him!"
"Yes you
could have!" I snapped
She
stared at me, "You couldn't stop yourself from loving
Troy. It's time. Time, Addie that does this to a person. The
more time you spend with a perons the harder you fall in love
with them because you find out so much about them, and how they
are, who they are. And you can't stop it. If you stop being
around them than you miss them, and thats how you know
you love them. Because you miss
them. It's
inevitable that someday you're going to fall in love with
somebody and you just need to accept it, there is no avoiding
it."
I could feel my eyes filling with tears, but I couldn't cry.
"And you feel this way with Anthony?"
She looked at her phone, "Well I did. Last night we got into
a fight about what our relationship was. I don't think you
have to worry about 'us' anymore."
I suppose the good friend thing to do was to talk to Anthony for
her. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a good friend.
Beside, Anthony would realize that Jenna was he only real
girlfriend that he didn't just use, or I guess in their case
that he wanted to just use.
"Anyway..." Jenna said breaking the silence, "How
have you been, how's Troy?"
"I've been fine. He's... good I suppose. We got into
a fight last night too actually. And broke up, kind
of"
"What?! No way. Addie you're kidding. You guys will get
back together, right? No. I know you will. You guys are one of
those couples, the ones that are supposed to be together. I can
see it, and though other girls in school are jealous, they can
feel it too. That's why they're so jealous"
"I don't know Jenna... it was pretty
bad."
We sat in silence again "I hope you're right" I
smiled at Jenna.
"Are we good?" She asked
"Yeah I think so."
And that was that.
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Six
Ryan
"Addison!" I called after her, but I
couldn't go anywhere. I had to stay with Troy.
"What are you doing man? Why'd you break up with her,
you needed her."
"I'm not good enough for her Ryan. Okay? Can we leave
now." Troy cried
"I've got your bag in the car, come on buddy." I
lifted him up, throwing his arm around my
shoulders.
"My
name is Ryan Hagerty, I'm checking Troy Porter in, he called
earlier today"
The nurse smiled and typed something into the computer, "And
who are you?"
She said over her computer screen.
"Uh, Ryan Hagerty, his best friend"
"Okay one moment" She typed some more, "Are you
sure you are able to check him in?'"
"Uh, I, I don't know you work here you should know
that."
"I guess we can make an acception since its
urgent"
I walked over to where Troy had sat down, "Alright, come on
Troy. You're going to get better now. Let's
go."
He stood slowly, grabbing his bag and truding beside me into the
nurses care.
"I'll come see you as soon as they let me, okay?
Okay?" I waited until I couldn't see him, maybe thats a
boyfriend/girlfriend thing to do but Addison had no idea what was
going on.
Which reminded me that I needed to call her.
"Hello?" She sniffled
"Hi Addison, it's Ryan. Um we need to talk"
"Ryan that is the second time hearing that, tonight. Can it
please wait"
"Actually it can't. Where are you I'm picking you
up."
"I'm not getting in the car with you and Troy so that
you guys can gang up on me-"
"Addison! Where are you."
"The park by Whalen Street... I'll wait here."
I left, found her sitting on the bench off the side of the
road.
"Get it" I said unlocking the passenger door.
"What's going on?"
"Addison there is a lot wrong with Troy that you don't
know"
"Yeah apparently. He wouldn't tell me
anything."
"And I'm in no position to tell you either, but if you
come with me maybe he can tell you himself."
She nodded in agreement, "good."
When we pulled into the hospital's parking lot Addison looked
frightened, "What? What's going on is he
okay?!"
I shook my head, "Not now, but he will be, come on." I
opened her door, held her hand as we walked inside.
We sat down in the waiting room, "What, what kind of
hospital is this?" Addison asked after about a half hour of
waiting.
I gulped, "It's a juvenile
psychiatric hospital."
"Wh- what?"
"Calm down Addie, you aren't dating a killer or
anything. Don't worry about that"
"What does he have? Can you at least tell me that"
"As
far as I know, Severe Depression. But, let him tell you that too.
Don't say anything when you go see him, say nothing at all
and let him talk. Okay?"
She nodded, "You're a great friend to him
Ryan."
"...I know. I don't know how long it's going to be
until we see him though so, I can take you home and call you when
we can, If you want. I just wanted you to see for
yourself."
"I want to stay, here."
"It could be days, I might even leave-"
"I said, I want to stay."
I smiled "You're a good ex-girlfriend
Addison"
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Five
Addison
Troy and I went to dinner to the restaurant
our first date was.
"Remember?" He asked,
"Of course"
"Our first real date" He smiled goofily,
I laughed "I was there"
By the end of dinner, his smiles saddened, as did he. When
we were walking back to his car I asked him what was
wrong.
"Addison I have to tell you something." He leaned
against the car. My mind flooded with horrible memories. He just
told me he loved me there was no way we could break up.
"Addison," His voice was raspy, like he was holding
back tears, "I'm going away for a while. And I don't
know how often I'll be able to see, or even talk to
you." I was right, he was holding back tears. They started
slow, and became more frequent. "I don't know if you
still want to go out with me, or if you'll still want
me."
"Troy what, are you talking about? Of course I stil-" I
started to cry.
"You don't. I think we should- I don't think I'm
saying, that we have to. I don't know how long I'm going
away for"
"No. no, I love you and you love me. I know you love
me" I said through my whimpers "because if you
didn't love me you wouldn't be crying like you are right
now."
He was shaking his head.
"If you really want to do this then tell me you don't
love me Troy."
Troy stood there for a couple moments, but it seemed like
years.
He was crying a lot by this point, and it was hard seeing him
like this.
"I don't love you Addison. And I don't want to see
you again."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do!" He was yelling, and running his hands
through his hair, shaking. "We have to."
"You say we have to, not that you, want
to"
"I want to." He mumbled "Stop making this
difficult Addie!"
Addie. He called me Addie. My heart sank to my stomach.
"I knew I should have never fallen for... a, a guy like
you."
"Addie what do you really know about me. Honestly"
His face drooped, like he made a mistake.
"Troy. What do you mean"
"A guy, a guy like me, you said a guy like me but you have
no idea what 'A guy like me' is!"
"Oh please. You have good grades, you're great at
football and I don't know why you stopped playing, almost
every girl is in love with you and every guy wants to be you. You
have a nice car, house, fam-"
"Shut up Addison. Shut up you don't know anything."
We were both crying really bad at this point and I was confused
as all hell.
"Fine. If you really want to do this, then this is it.
We're done."
Troy slid against his car onto the ground,
"Maybe you hate me right now, but I want you to tell me
whats wrong."
"I want you to go away!" He screamed, throwing his keys
at me "Take my perfect car!
Okay?"
At that point Ryan pulled up, rushing out of his car in a panic
"Whats going on? Troy, come on. Addison whats wrong with
him?"
"I would tell you if I knew Ryan but he won't tell
me."
"Why do you have his keys?" He asked me "I
don't know! Take them, I don't care I'll walk home.
Goodbye Troy. Have a nice life."
And I stormed off.
We're done.
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Four
Troy
Things were going really well with Addison. We
had been together for almost 3 months until I was sick again. Not
sick of Addison, sick of myself.
And that's what I could never tell her.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to get you sick! No I'm
not bailing. I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon and
we'll go out for dinner and a movie, what ever you want okay?
Okay. Goodnight." I hung up as Ryan was walking into my
room.
"So you still remember I'm alive? It's been too long
man."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just-"
"I know, Addison, Addison, Addison. What ever. You sounded
worried when you called me whats going on?"
I looked at Ryan. My best friend since, forever. He is the only
person that knows everything about me. "We lost our medical
insurance because my dad quit. And he can't collect
unemployment."
"What does that mean?" Ryan asked hesitantly
"I haven't had my medicine for 2 months and I keep
getting worse."
"Which medicine Troy. If you're talking about your b*tch
*ss flinstone vitamins man..."
I didn't say anything.
"Sh*t you're talking about...you haven't had your
anti-depressants in 2 months."
I nodded. "Can I tell you something."
He shook his head, "Yeah man anything."
"I'm scared. And I think I need to go to the hospital
soon because that is the only way I can get them."
Ryan stood up, "I'll take you right now, come
on."
"No. Not tonight, soon though. I have to tell
Addison."
Ryan scratched his head, he knew he couldn't convince me to
leave. "Okay I'm staying with you then."
"Okay."
*************
"You look beautiful Addison"
She blushed, "Thank you."
I got out of the car and walked over to her, grabbing her waist
and pulling her close to me, hugging her for a while. I kissed
her and smiled, "I love you."
She pulled back a little, looking me in the eyes with her
sparkling gray eyes. She finally smiled, "Troy!"
Addison giggled, "I love you too!"
"Wait, don't say 'too'."
"Why not?"
"It ends it. It's over after you say too"
"Who told you that?" She laughed
"A kid I knew."
"You knew a lot of kids, and anyway. I love you,
better?"
I grinned, "Good" and I kissed her again "Ready to
go?"
____________________________________________________________
Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin
With Time, We
Fall
Chapter Twenty
Three
Troy
I couldn't fall asleep that night.
And I don't mean, "I fell asleep very late" I mean
I sat there and waited.
I waited until I heard footsteps out in the hall. I didn't
leave the room until Addison came in and checked on
me.
"You up?" She asked through a tiny crack in the door. I
grumbled hoping she thought I just woke up. She walked into the
room and sat on the bed "Hi."
"Morning" I smiled.
"Um, this fell out on my floor last night." She was
holding my house key. "And I was just curious as to why you
really stayed here last night." I thought for a moment
before replying,
"Well isn't it obvious that I can't stay away from
you Addison?" Hoping she would laugh, she didn't.
"Why won't you tell me the truth Troy?" She
frowned, still holding an intense gaze with me. "You're
not going to are you..." Her head fell and she became
silent.
I sat up and looked around, I couldn't tell Addison why I was
there. I had to lie.I didn't want to, I had
to. I told a half lie I suppose, "My dad and I got into a
fight" (True.) "And I snuck out because I didn't
want him to talk to me about it" (True.) "But I'm
sure we're better now." (Not true.)
I waited for her response, to see if she believed it.
"So you just left?! He's probably worried sick! What
were you even fighting about?"
I let out a 'frustrated' sigh, "Um," I had to
lie again "He didn't fill up the gas after using my car.
Stupid I kno-"
"Troy you should be lucky you have your dad around at
all!" She snapped "My dad left when I was 9 and he only
calls on my birthday if that! You should go apologize."
I bit my tongue, "You're right." I said through my
teeth "How about I call him right now, then you and I will
go to the Sea Wall, does that sound good?"
She shrugged "Ok." Addison stood up to leave, "But
make sure you're sincere".
I smiled, she left.
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Authors
note:
Comments/questions/feedback would be prime :)
Thanks loves <3
-Erin